This is the response I got from West Midlands police after I asked them to escalate the complaint to superiors. I called the police to help me. They didn’t help me. Instead they gave me a warning.
I knew when I was raped that I could not go to the police because they’d probably say I deserved it for inviting the rapists back. It doesn’t matter that they were just friends when I let them into my home and an entirely normal thing to do when you trust people (who are friends) but in the context of a rape investigation, it’s almost like the purpose of the police is to discredit victims, especially when they are female and almost certainly when they are not white.
The police don’t give a shit about non-white women; I knew this from my work. They don’t much care for white working class women either but they still have the edge over poor brown women. The police can communicate better with people who speak their language, not just spoken but also cultural and unspoken, in the way they’ve been taught to react to things, like, how to be a worthy victim. Whether they self-identify as racist or not, suggesting that non-white perpetrators of violence against women are entitled to that power and control because their religious beliefs are protected by law allegedly and then shrugging as if to say “what can you do with these savages?” IS racist because if they did a little research, picked up a book or two, they’d realise violence against any person who is not your physical match is forbidden. It is racism that allows these people to turn a blind eye and in some cases gleefully abandon vulnerable people because of their immigration status. This is something I learnt through my work, that the police are inherently racist and sexist.
I don’t like the police. I don’t care if they don’t like me either. I just want to know why I spent my whole life believing racism was illegal and that this meant something could be done about it. Also I know how serious (also illegal) threats to kill are because of the work I have done in the past, yet the police expect me to believe they cannot do anything about the abuse I face because Twitter won’t do something for them. How did they make Twitter oblige when it was the blonde middle class Caroline Criado Perez with her media contacts who was being targeted? She was in all the papers, her face flustered from the stress of being a woman on the internet and we learnt she was clinically depressed from the ordeal. I have CPTSD. I am on medication for mental and physical disabilities. I often have thoughts around suicide and yet the police have dismissed the threats and abuse numerous people subjected to me, even though there was money missing from my bank account.
“I will slit your throat and hang you upside down bitch, don’t tempt me”
“People are going to hammer you”
“Please shut the fuck up or I will murder you”
“Please shut up you paki”
“If you don’t like Britain go back to your own country you ungrateful whore”
“…You stupid, laughable cry-baby cunt”
“Begging for money on your blog I see…typical Paki girl”
“Proof you can’t be friends with a Paki”
“I’m going to kill you”
“Hahaha you ugly little slag, lol”
“I’m gonna slice you up bitch”
“I’m gonna cut you up”
“Please just drown yourself now please. Still gonna kill you”
If saying “kill all men” is incitement to murder than what is this^ person doing to me? Or the various search terms actually telling me to kill myself? They’re not saying all people should do this, this is a direct threat aimed at me, Sam Ambreen (not all women of colour). No one else, just me. CPTSD makes you hyper vigilant because you feel like you’re going to die most of the time. In the balance of harm, how can West Midlands police have the audacity to follow up a refusal to support me with a warning that I am committing a criminal offence and that they don’t believe me or cannot defend me for saying a few words (regarding 4 billion strange men)?
I’m not sorry that I cannot play the right sort of victim for you. The police are notorious for their inconsistency when it comes to believing victims. If you didn’t fight back, why not, did you on some level enjoy it or give them the impression you were consenting? If you did fight back, well, you’re clearly not a victim and can take care of yourself. In fact now you’re the problem because you’re hostile and a loose cannon. Well, he’s the one with all the scratches on his face (self-defence is only an option if you’re white and middle class, as we reminded Criado Perez only a few days ago).
I cannot fight back; I must leave the internet if things are that bad otherwise I haven’t the right to complain. Helpful advice from the police who are definitely not trying to silence me, say because of my political beliefs and utter distrust of the police. I didn’t want to go to them; I was encouraged to do so by people on Twitter who were horrified at the stream of nastiness I was subjected to. I wasn’t confident they’d do anything but I did not expect to be reminded of how I may be breaking the law for reacting to abuses perpetrated against me.
I don’t want to be in this country. It’s not safe. There is no help here for people like me, only more violence in future. I have nothing positive to say about any of my experiences with the authorities (or the majority of white people). I get it ok, you don’t like me because I can see you’re looking down on me and I know that I’m above that so you do your best to punch down and push me into a corner where no one can hear me. This only means I will keep screaming until the opportunity presents itself to leave this living nightmare. I know my worth (and the law) and you don’t get to call it.
If I now wished global warming would hurry up and drown this tiny island, would you consider that incitement to an act of God?