twitter

Beware: @TheDSGGroup is a woman hating bigot

A couple of nights ago I told a misogynist to fuck off because he said that there is no oppression in the UK, today my account has been suspended. I gave him 10 examples and he responded with misogynous fatphobia. One of his white followers immediately added me to a list ‘fugly’ and a bunch of others liked the abusive tweet.

In a week where right wing Asians have been demanding we all find the appointment of tokenistic South Asians in a racist cabinet a win for the disapora, Dick Swinging Git fulfilled his tokenistic role by denying oppression faced by the majority. I had to object.
“creatures like you”
This is what we mean when we say tokens are put in place by the white supremacist state to further oppress marginalised groups by denying their experiences. As if I’d want to ‘come together’ to talk oppression with an oppressor.

Non violent non abusive men would never speak to anyone like this, even in an argument. Not saying he would be justified if in fact I was fat, but as a slim size 8, it hits home even more, because it doesn’t matter what the reality is, gendered violence is so ingrained in society, men use fatphobia to neg us into submission. To be so casual in his attack, he wasn’t in the least bit worried that it would backfire, it’s probably served him well in the past.

Tokenistic poc have the power to flip it back and claim we are the real racists, for daring to broach the subject of oppression.

I’m Asian. I’m a genuine leftie (none of this neoliberal tory in disguise nonsense) working class, I left school at 16 yet despite this my last salary was almost 30K. I have what it takes to ‘make it’, a better grasp of English than most of the natives, I can sing, write and draw, I am hard working, diligent, and I look for solutions, I fix things or I can create new things. I have not been rewarded for my skills and abilities because I refused to step on the heads of my peers to achieve personal success.

@theDSGgroup has no such scruples, he is a small business owner who claimed to be a socialist and has amassed something like 8000 followers. He was all on board the Corbyn train until Jezza announced he would be introducing a living wage, then his principles dissipated and suddenly went full Brexit. He is everything that is wrong with Britain, the selfish attitude of someone who has only ever put his own needs first. Someone who plays the game because actually, he couldn’t bear it if people didn’t like him.

He doesn’t think I am racist but he got me suspended for racist misconduct. Can’t make it up.

When I blocked him he started hounding me from another account. Bearing in mind I have just been suspended for directing hate towards privileged right wing Asians, in a move that is entirely predictable on the part of Twitter, I was advised that harassment against me did not break the rules.

I’m done being upset by Twitter’s arbitrary rules that consistently reward bigots and disproportionately affect already marginalised people.

There is absolutely no point in my challenging this, or reacting emotionally because it will fall on deaf ears. I’m just going to make another account when I’m back from holiday and can be bothered.

In the meantime I would advise all conscientious socialist minded people raise awareness about this weasel on the left. I found I shared 5 followers with him, some of my mutuals had many more. Just give his TL a read and see for yourselves.

On the matter of oppression:

Footnote: Is it a coincidence my suspension comes on the same day Mark Field has been excused for his violence against a woman activist?

Advertisements

Brave Software Cashing in on Our Misery

For the past fortnight or so, victims of Kiwi Farms have been reaching out to Brendan Eich and staff at Brave to see if we could appeal to their humanity and make them understand, that a group of nazi incels who’ve targeted over 1700 people for the purpose of harassment and stalking – owing to their protected characteristics – is wrong and should not be enabled via their service. It has taken many months if not years to have Joshua Conner Moon and his merry band of fledgling terrorists removed from social media platforms, they’ve had free reign for so long.

We’re not stupid, we know there’s a high likelihood we are appealing to the very same people who set up and bankrolled the nazis. They’re all white men, from the same corners of the world, with the same chip on their shoulder about their alleged supremacy. They run Twitter and Facebook, as I found out this morning when I tried to log on and was met with this screen.

fuckofftwitter

They reported these tweets, clearly hyperbolic, but they will argue their feelings were hurt and it gave them undue stress because if there is one thing white men are good at, it’s playing the victim. That second tweet it looks like I’m advocating for the killing of Muslims, that I’m targeting Muslims, but I was referring to Aung San Suu Kyi and how she will never kill all the Muslims, they will prevail. Imagine punishing *me* for attacking Muslims.. These tweets are old, nothing to do with them. That means someone went through my entire feed to try and find *something* to beat me with. They sure are rattled.

Brendan Eich referred to us as trolls and reported us for harassment, which is a fucking irony given that this is exactly what we have been subjected to for a number of years, abuses that Eich himself is extending by allowing Kiwi Farms the means by which to get funding. Eich wants to get rich off all the nazis, paedophiles and terrorist monsters the rest of the web have been forced to reject.

bravenazisymp

He’s found his niche, having invested $30 million of his own money into the business, Eich is neither ignorant to the pernicious nature of these forums nor does he care, he just wants to profit off them. It would seem as though Brendan Eich is building a business for the sole purpose of funding Nazis like Joshua Conner Moon when other streams run dry. Eich refuted the claims on Twitter saying:

brendaneich

spotlightnewsspotlightnews1

Considering it’s on the front page of Yahoo News, I’d think about suing.

Brendan Eich and his ilk need to be reminded we live in a world where tolerance is a peace treaty; in a civilised society we have laws to remind us of our limits, otherwise the entire structure falls down. If we are attacked we have the right to self defence. If our friends and families are fair game, then so are theirs.

We refuse to be victimised anymore, we’re taking back that power. Anything else would mean admitting defeat and letting these cowards win.

brendaneich1

(Well Brendan, if the world was actually working and rules mattered, and laws had been applied, you’d have a point. No justice, no peace)

Toxic Twitter is for White Supremacists

toxic-jack.jpg

Yesterday I posted a tweet regarding the suicide of Carl Sargeant, who took his own life following allegations of sex abuse.

I stand by this tweet, at a time when media vultures are desperate to create a narrative that will help cover up the true extent of sex abuse in our society we must take it upon ourselves to maintain the truth even when it makes us uncomfortable. I wasn’t surprised when the usual suspects – white men – turned up in my mentions to tell me to go see how I liked it in Delhi, a nod to the gang rape a few years back and how I was a bitter woman and an attention seeker.

IMG_9128

I didn’t go looking for this man, just to be clear, he found my tweet and approached me just to say I was an attention seeker. I replied:

IMG_9132

I would suggest this was a fair enough rebuke given that he was doing exactly what he was accusing me of, seeking my attention. He went on to say:

IMG_9129

This random on the internet was just looking for an excuse to bully me and so I muted him after the swiftest of exchanges and thought nothing more of it. In fact I had many tweets attacking me for standing in support of victims of sexual violence:

alan clark con

I can just imagine Alan wanking furiously to the thought of brown women being violated in foreign countries, it’s a fetish of his. He blocked me before I could report his account for targeted harassment and abusive behaviour aimed at my perceived race/religion etc.

alanclarkracist

This is a perfect example of white power, subjected me to hateful language and harassment whilst claiming I’m the racist.

alanconalancourseOnly an entitled white male with zero self control/awareness would think it ok to suggest I give a shit at all about whether he finds me attractive or not. Never mind the infantilisation that comes with it, quite sickening when you think of it in the context of sex abuse. He thinks he’s attacking a girl, not a 35 year old woman and this makes it even more despicable.

gelnpellroth

This take.. correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t the PIE filled with right wing establishment types, like prince Andrew’s best mate? As if I’ve ever made a distinction between the sorts of men I’d like to see dead and buried. ALL men are capable of sex abuse and ALL men must be held to account.

taylorspaff

White men do not care about victims of sexual violence, they object to non white predators. You can draw a parallel with the ‘coming over here, taking all our jobs’ trope, they’re only upset there are fewer victims for them. This is why you never see white men demand action against all predatory sex attackers.

jimmyrolf

That’s SIR Jimmy Savile, 1300 child victims of sex abuse, and everyone knew about what he was doing but no one said a thing, not the BBC, nor the government or the mainstream media. A mentally ill sex pest who used his elite networks to abuse white children at whim but all is forgiven, the real issue is those darkies who’ve been hardwired that way. Timmeh’s account is live still despite directing hate at a group of people/members of a religion. What a fascinating double standard Twitter seems to operate.

Later in the day I went to log in to Twitter only to find myself locked out. The prat who’d said I was an attention seeker reported me for two tweets which I happily deleted upon being prompted by Twitter and yet my account was still restricted, effectively silencing me for a week as I am not able to tweet, RT, like or send media in my DMs. I can read my TL and I can send DMs to mutual follows.

IMG_9126

There are Nazis advocating genocide on Twitter but we must allow the marketplace of ideas for civilised debates even if that means inciting hatred and violence towards minorities but I can’t be hyperbolic and suggest a man eat his own weiner, what if I tracked him down and made him do it..?

IMG_9132

He sent me a tweet calling me an attention seeker and routed a bunch of other white supremacist misogynists my way and when I tried to return the favour (at which point I also muted his account because he wouldn’t stop tweeting at me) he reports me for abuse and I am punished for a week? I don’t think this is just crappy algorithms, in recent weeks I’ve seen many of the prominent woc I follow have their accounts suspended because they were reported by a fragile fuckin snowflake and Twitter has done nothing to rectify this. I don’t think the Twitter nerds are ignorant, I believe they are actively supporting white supremacy behind the scenes – wtf is the Trump account about? – but cannot sieg heil in public because nazism doesn’t pay, at least not this century.

Update: Twitter has verified the account of the Nazi who organised the Charlottesville klan rally where Heather Heyer was murdered by a white supremacist. Twitter is telling us what it is, it’s time we listened and accepted it.

 

You are exactly like all the others, whatever they say

If you were one of those people who insisted it is not Islamophobic to scrutinise Islam and Muslim people when you are neither of those things yourself then you personally contributed to the actions which led to a Sikh man being identified as a Muslim terrorist (by Gamergate trolls who exist only to torment vulnerable people cos ethics) and reported to the rest of the world before the information was even verified. This happened beacause the western world is largely ignorant of the rest of us and experiences it as a sort of quaint skewed little fairy tale which best fits their centuries old prejudices. The media were fooled because they are perhaps the most ignorant of the bunch and a brown face to them is always a terrorist. When a poc is probably responsible, as it is whenever there’s a disaster then due process becomes a privilege only afforded to white people. It’s consistent with the experience I have of the western world, where it doesn’t matter what you do to distinguish yourself from all the others, you’ll always be a paki, regardless of whether or not you are actually from Pakistan.

I’ve been asked where I’m from more times than whether I’ve had a good day, I know this much without doing the maths. Once upon a time I humoured it and asked people to guess and they did; Maltese, Greek, Arab, Iranian, Afghani, Latina, the list goes on and on. White people literally see colour before they see anything else and depending on your answer to this question draw conclusions before you need say anything further. I was always wary of saying Pakistani because I’d grown up feeling like the proverbial shit on one’s shoe for no apparent reason, it was just a feeling that was ever present. I used to say I was Kashmiri and this was partly true, my mum hails from there but I always had a sense it was preferable to identify as Indian, as all the Muslim Indians I knew liked to rub it in, for why, I had no idea, but it was there, this unspoken rule. I imagine now it was the residual tenets of divide rule and conquer which had passed down the generations, infecting us before we were even born. It’s apparent in the token few who deny our existence and experiences of the world so that white people can write us off as bullies and attention seekers, this idea that we must only object because we are jealous and not genuinely critical for the greater good. They will attach themselves to each other as allies and ambassadors for one another just to keep you out and struggling.

The ignorant world we find ourselves in is a direct consequence of white supremacists and their token allies. Every time a white person says to you you are not like all the others and you’re actually some kind of special snowflake, it is a lie. You are maybe a toy to the person who says that to you, someone they can wind up and watch make a fool of themselves but you are most definitely just like the others to all the white people you haven’t yet met, and probably most definitely the person who would say such a racist thing in the first place. If you’re a poc and you’re still struggling with observing and identifying divide rule and conquer, if Veerender Jubbal’s case has not made your blood run cold in horror, that the people in control of narratives can get it so very wrong, then you alone will be responsible for the ways in which you are abused.

A Sikh man (wearing a Sikh turban which is completely different to other brown people’s head coverings) can be thrust onto the world stage without his consent, without any viable reason for this attack on his identity (not that racist targeting is a viable reason even when the subject is Muslim), have a Quran photoshopped into his hands (replacing the ipad) and the media will probably get away with it, but we mustn’t let them. Remember that time little old me made a mistake that barely a few thousand people will have seen (though they will have most definitely witnessed my unprompted apology) yet the media acted as though I had killed someone with my false allegation of racism, the way they used it to whip me with because it was just such a terrible thing to accuse someone of being a racist shitheel. Well it’s actually worse to be a victim of racism, even more than being falsely accused in a system where actually, racism is inherent, it being a proud nation built on the looting and erasure of other people and cultures, and unrepentant in its ways.

The media is massively racist, whatever they might say. They just proved it.

I am done

*Barfomenz pricks, heads up. The popo might not give 2 shits about me but you crossed a few lines even the cops can’t ignore. I know you probably don’t understand family or love so you have no concept of protecting the ones you love as a result but this isn’t just about me. This is much bigger than that. When you go down, it won’t be one or two of you, it’ll be the entire cocking thing. I’m just gonna wait for that to happen and let you have your sick little fantasies in the meantime because let’s face it, you have nothing else. You’re not smart or beautiful or sporty, you’re just pond scum. The sort I would happily stab a million times with a blunt pencil for kicks (ooh, go on, report me for my threats to fill you with lead).

You had an advantage targeting me because I’m ill, cos pathetic little boys like you can’t take on someone the same size or on an equal footing, so you sit behind your little screens and kill/fuck cartoons with your stupid joysticks and threaten women and kids with sexual and physical violence. You are the definition of subhuman*

I am done with social networking or antisocial as the case has been. I threw myself out there because I felt like I could make a difference with everything I’ve learnt in my life and work but when I spoke up, the very people I was complaining about attacked me in their droves. The people purportedly on my side enabled them to do this. The same people who will commission Indian people to talk about India’s big rape problem without acknowledging the horrific rape and abuse on our own doorstep. The sorts who deny the racism inflicted on us every hour of every day without exception and in fact encourage it as a means of shutting us down. Those ‘lefties’ bent on defending their right to joke about rape and pour scorn on the imaginary race card without ever once reflecting on their whiteness and privilege.

You’ll have seen the new story regarding the woman beheaded in the street in Egypt. Such a brutal loss of life, such a horrific tale of male dominance and violence. We don’t treat our women like that.. Except we sorta do, (in a not immediately fatal sense, at least not always). The law may have been changed barely more than 50 years ago, to end capital punishment but the process of humiliation and voyeurism remains unchanged. The act of being tortured (physically or verbally) in front of your peers, to remind them of what happens to those who do not play the game is what they did to me, and everybody just stood around gawping, some too timid to speak, others revelling in their recently uncovered powers of impunity. That racism and sexism and privilege I was banging on about, they denied it by doing those exact things.

“How terrible to accuse someone of racism! I’m not a racist you fucking Paki”

“What do you mean you have an opinion? I’m going to kill you, you slag”

They twisted everything, they abused us and enabled others to abuse us with their huge fucking platforms and all the while a load of white people who have nothing going for themselves other than also being white, were listening and waiting for the time it was ok to call you a Paki online, and in the street.

Theresa May recently unveiled plans to make emotional abuse, controlling and coercive behaviour a jail-able offence, with up to five years in prison and a fine. Within an intimate relationship she described it as being ‘tantamount to torture’. I have had those relationships but I have also felt similarly being on the receiving end of racists and misogynists online, the point being that they attach to an existing collage of male violence and license to abuse. I already suffered from a condition affecting victims of torture before I’d even discovered social media.

To me, that image of the decapitated woman lying dead on the ground hurt my heart because she could have been my sister. Heck, she could have been me. I may not have had my throat slit but many have threatened to do exactly that to me. The frog in my throat that makes it difficult to breathe and speak is distressing. The idea that I might lose my mind again brings me back to the woman they beheaded. Her head was physically removed from her body by men who do what they like. The constant stream of white men telling me to kill myself, or threatening to doxx me or my family, or rape and slaughter me, sharing pictures lifted from an underage cousin’s profile, of her and my precious baby nephews, and bombarding me with images of torture, violence, images so gruesome any truly human person would feel shaken to the core is an attempt at a beheading of the emotional kind. The intention is to push me to the point where I do kill myself, a thing they feel is certain if they can only push me far enough. I don’t need to look to Egypt if I want to feel sorry for women; I have my fill of patriarchal misogyny in the apparently civilised west.

I am deleting these profiles now cos I do not want in on any platform that favours and benefits white men; the ones that delete the accounts of breastfeeding mothers but inform me that my rape threats do not violate community standards. I couldn’t give a stuff about ‘social’ networking. I do not attach easily to material possessions or ideas of what it means to be cool or current. When I reported these same fuckers to the police over 6 months ago, they cautioned me for kill all men. Now here we are, you’ve seen the images and how futile it is to expect justice when you are a woman of colour speaking truth. It is ok to threaten me with physical and sexual violence; this was confirmed to the abusers when the police and the platforms did fuck all about actual laws being broken. The thought of this makes me want to kill myself before someone else does. I may not have any control over a single thing in this godforsaken country but I am damned if I don’t get to call how it ends. I haven’t spent time teaching myself to breathe only to die a violent death at the hands of a fucking manz.

Silencing is what brought me to Twitter and it is why I leave it now too. The world hasn’t changed for the better these few years, it’s gotten considerably worse. Your allies are not your friends, all coppers are bastards and I really think we should kill all men (as in not just the black ones).

A person like me

What is the point of social media for someone like me? When I say ‘me’ what exactly do I mean? I’m not under any illusions about my existence; I don’t see myself leading you all to revolution or winning a Nobel peace prize or anything. I haven’t the knack for self-promotion for a start. In order to do this I’d need an internal editor capable of presenting an image that fits easily in a white patriarchy; the kind that asks questions but lets you come to your own conclusions, no doubt confirming your own biases, whatever the message. No, there isn’t a place for someone like me, not when I spell it out for you that people like me are suffering, if not fighting for their lives.

I may have been heard if I hadn’t turned the spotlight around on the people mendaciously constructing a world that doesn’t reflect the reality many thousands of ethnic minorities (and ‘others’) experience on this rainy fascism island. My primary malfunction was assuming that the world was ready to hear how the individual contributes to the unjust and unequal system we find ourselves trapped in. The beginning of the end for me was initiated by another woman. A feminist no less, one of the ‘race is not a feminist issue’ brigade, as I discovered when they felt buoyed enough by the support of other white people to say whatever they liked, without consequence.

The world of social media is a microcosm of the world I cannot be a part of irl. The same white gatekeepers exist in positions of power that mark someone like me out as a troublemaker, a loose cannon. Instead of saying this though, noting that we’re all human and fallible, apologising for our prejudices and making promises to do better, it has been standard practice to obliterate the dissenting voice instead, by subjecting the speaker to all of the things they have been protesting against.

I am a survivor of male perpetrated violence and sexual abuse. I was subjected to this violence whilst I was still curled up with my twin in our mother’s womb. I am a survivor of immigration and now realise that a lot of the violence I and the other women in my family were subjected to was exacerbated by the ways in which the men of my family were treated by the British Empire. I am learning about my heritage and I can finally understand the ghosts that haunted my grandfather, a child who witnessed partition and then never spoke of it again. He was in the army, we knew that much. He had his name crudely tattooed on his arm in biro ink, in case they needed to identify his corpse I presume. On leaving the army he came to settle in Birmingham and worked extremely hard for 5 years before he could bring over his wife and 3 small children, my father being the middle one. When he eventually did call for them, they were almost lost forever when the plane they had been ordered to leave – to make space for VIPs who were given priority – crashed over France killing all those on board. My family is a miracle. They survived the empire and they made it to this country in one piece.

However, the struggle for basic survival didn’t end with them, whatever the white knights of Twitter seem to think. It’s a bit rich for these white saviours to mock us with stories of how our dark men are mutilating our vaginas and killing us for talking to boys and how much worse off we’d be if we’d been born in any of the brown countries. The fact that my female cousins had a private education in Pakistan with one of them awarded a scholarship for a doctorate in engineering isn’t something I’ve ever felt the need to share to silence the hecklers, as if they would listen or believe me anyway. I don’t need to be reminded of patriarchal violence and control; my great grandmother was beaten to death by her man. It wasn’t the Asian or Muslim in him that made him do this or ensured she was victim to it. It was power and control. Patriarchal power and control; the kind that rears its ugly head when your country is under attack and ‘your women’ are being raped, being as they are merely vessels for the patrilineage. The kind that prompts my apparently relaxed Sufi like ancestors to suddenly turn inwards and toughen their cultural praxis so that others cannot accuse them of allowing the British to bastardise their values. Of course that’s going to be amplified when they arrive in said coloniser’s country. I see the anger and disapproval they pelted me with as I was growing up as a reaction to colonial power and control and their abuse of my person as a manifestation of their own post-traumatic stress disorders and Stockholm syndrome. My grandparents were promised a home away from home but when they arrived here they were faced with severe violence and abuse yet their reaction to it was to accept their dehumanised status and suffer the blows. That pent up rage and hurt had to make its exit somewhere and it was people like me who bore the brunt of it. I forgive them though, because I know it wasn’t their fault. It was yours ‘Great Britain’.

I shunned my brown Muslim family the first chance I got, running away from home aged 15, cutting my dark waist length hair into a bob, eating all the pork products I could ram into my mouth (denouncing the Muslim God as I masticated), just out of spite. I thought the drunker I got, the more they’d accept I was one of them. I had to find a white boyfriend cos that would give me the protection I needed from both racist whites and vengeful brownies. I was annoyed at my gran for not telling us a distant cousin had married a white man (who’d converted to Islam for her) and that she’d instructed the other women to keep it a secret too. She was afraid we were ripe for the poaching y’see. She was right. Maybe if I married a white man I could have a properly white sounding name too. I was already called Sam and had dropped my uber Arabic surname because of the lack of opportunities it had lumped me with. A mere 6 hrs after I’d begrudgingly westernised my name, I was given my first interview in 3 months. That’s how racist Britain was in 2005, regardless of what we were told.

I’m not proud of the ways I have ducked and dived the judgements racism has thrown my way. I am not ashamed of it either. I am able to reason that survival is cruel and I did whatever was necessary. White people make it impossible for you to exist in a way that honours your cultural background then mock you for leaving it behind. This is the exact reason why I give up, why I’m done trying to get people to think. The issue here is not one of co-existing in a tolerant society and resistance to this liberal way of life but the shifting of goalposts so that it never matters that we do our best or bow our heads, it’s just not good enough. White Britons want us to jump through hoops like the good little Asians do, they want us to change our beliefs/personalities depending on who is calling it at the time, even if it is some beer bloated ignorant pig of a chav (I’m working class, what of it?) who thinks they’re better than you cos their ruling classes stole from yours. On this matter of working class whites, I am done with trying to understand a section of society so downtrodden and put upon by the illuminated ones “It’s not their fault they’re poor and stupid, their racism isn’t really racism, they’re just ignorant”. Stop right there and hear me on this; I left school at 16, I don’t have a formal education or trust fund and I am not a racist either. When I look at white people I don’t see degrees of racism based on their level of education/class. I see people who recognise my humanity and those who want me silenced/dead because they believe I am not human enough. Call me a paki and I’ll call you white trash.

So y’see, I know why my peers and even those with a much smaller vocabulary than me are being published in the papers, their voices resonating with all who look like them. They are the ones who know how to play the system because it has been set up to benefit them. I know how this game goes but I’m not a very good liar and it’s never been about a high flying meeja career. I want to say what I need to say and for it to be heard and believed as my lived experiences. However if anyone actually did that then they would have to admit how they benefit from the status quo and nobody wants to relinquish their privilege or share it with someone as outspoken as me (they think I think like them and want the things they want and this scares them).

I am a British Asian woman who tried to be all that was required of me but soon realised that meant I had to be dishonest and dissociate for the privilege of success in a white capitalist patriarchy. I have grown to hate this country I so loved once upon a time. I don’t want to bomb it or teach anyone a lesson, terror is terror, whoever experiences it, even the knuckleheads but I will smash anyone upside the head if they ‘do a racism’ in my presence. I am shackled and gagged on social media, I am prevented from defending myself, I do not deserve solidarity and so I give up, take it, keep it for yourselves. We’ve come too far to backtrack the racism of the past year and now I fear we’re hurtling towards the inevitable. Sticking around without the backing I need from white ‘allies’ is waving myself like a red flag to a bunch of fascist bull shits.

It’s safer to behave as though you do not exist.

I have been victimised

Just deactivated my Twitter account again. I made a remark about how I was targeted with racist spam in a reaction to the spamming of various women online for the last few hours and very soon after I started getting them again. That’s all I know really.

I’ve deactivated not because I want to but because I’ve been told that’s the way to prove you’re intimidated by racists and stalkers and misogynists who want women off the internet. There’s no shame for me in admitting I’ve hit my racial slur limit for the time being. I want to function as humans do, obviously, without the echoes haunting me. I want to be a good friend and a good sister and aunt and carer for my animals. Being abused day in day out with no recourse to safety makes it impossible for me to nurture these relationships because hyper vigilance is exhausting and to be as honest as I can, my real life is in crisis for many reasons right now.

I’m already confined to these four walls for probably 6 days a week, only then stepping out with other people but that’s ok, I don’t want to be out there with the rest of you. Twitter has been invaluable for me to get my message out there and I feel like I need to remind people what that message is and always has been and ask why it is that I am the one who has to leave?

I want to end patriarchal violence. I want you to question every little thing you do and how it impacts on the people around you. I’m not talking to the depraved ones who get off on suffering, I’m sorry they weren’t shown empathy but everyone has a sliding doors moment, where they make the decision to protect themselves or do the right thing (guess which one I chose?) and these sickos chose themselves cos that’s all that matters to them. They can all rot in hell.

The police said there was nothing they could do for me and the person(s) targeting me knows this. They’ve been coming back to mock me, repeatedly victimising me and the cops are loving it (see last blog post’s comments). Well, you’ve got your victim now. Thank you for leaving me in a position where I am without the support I need from people who, ironically, think about others first instead of this bullshit self-serving ‘identity politics’ thing they’ve tarred us with. It’s never been about the self but humbling ourselves and recognising how we have more than others and to be grateful for that and not use it to whip oppressed people (for now we will whip you back). These people are not even people in my mind, they’re demonic. They exist only to goad and cause suffering. I want them all to die painfully without anyone there to support them, have them face their achievements on their deathbeds. Let them suffer the same way, show them the same lack of compassion. You think I was born feeling this way about people, cold and malicious, or did I learn it from the degenerates who taught me that was just the way of the world?

I am not sure how far away I am from giving everything up for good. I know that I can’t and yet, every time I am targeted in this way, by the rich and famous and political (and the mere plebs) I feel myself get a step closer. This world does not care about me so why should I care about it?

Twitter, I’m not going to report to you cos sometimes it’s just not possible. I don’t know who is harassing me and even if I did, it’s not like you give a shit.

1 2