Sexual Violence

An Open Letter to Brendan Eich

I’m trying to understand the reasoning behind your decision to allow Joshua Conner Moon’s site MadAtTheInternet on your service, when you so graciously banned his Kiwi Farms account, after it was made plain to you that you were complicit in unlawful and violent undertakings on a site designed to bully and stalk vulnerable people.


You were made aware of the connection Joshua Conner Moon has with several terrorist attacks, in particular the NZ terrorist shooting of a mosque, an attack that was filmed by the perpetrator and subsequently hosted on Kiwi Farms, despite laws which prohibit the promotion/proliferation of terrorist materials. You were also made aware of the suicide count attributed to the bullying meted out by Joshua Conner Moon and his foot soldiers, a thing they’re proud of, convincing fragile people to end their lives, like they’re playing some sort of computer game only real people die.

Apparently a nazi’s right to free speech trumps the lives of minorities, am I correct in this assessment? Do you remember when you had me banned on Twitter for exercising my free speech? The offending tweet suggested piling trophy hunters into a cage so we could feed the animals, completely hyperbolic but enough to get me booted off. It was months old, you had to trawl through my timeline to find it because the tweets I had directed towards you wouldn’t cut it all for a suspension, so you employed a known nazi tactic where anything can be twisted to present as a threat.

It’s odd how free speech is a white privilege huh? I mean, if I wanted to use your service yet spent my days threatening violence against white people and celebrating every time one of them died, I think you’d be on top of it like a rash. I think you’d gladly hand my information over to the authorities to tackle any threat to white supremacy.


You don’t consider the victims of Kiwi Farms to be real people, with lives, and feelings, and needs for if you did you would respect our right to life and condemn those who would threaten it. I think you get some enjoyment from seeing people victimised by a white supremacist. I think you’re entirely sympathetic to his cause. You’ve been saying the right words and playing the game but occasionally you say something that sheds light on your inner workings and how this is all just a game to you.

Eich likes to maintain power at all times “play nicely or gtfo” regardless of the context.

More of a reflection on how you feel about yourself, bud.

If only it was so easy to silence us.

Eich knows what he is doing.


As I’m sure you are aware Cloudflare were forced to ban 8chan from their service recently, Matthew Prince did an about turn less than 24 hours after he said he would continue to support them despite the El Paso shooter’s connections to the forum. He continues to host Kiwi Farms because we haven’t pursued it just yet but we will. Like you he thinks doing the bare minimum to keep the investors/shareholders happy will save him but we’ll ask both of you how that’s going for you when we’re done.


To reiterate, withdraw your service from Joshua Conner Moon, whatever site he might be using. He has been excluded from many streams of revenue and relies almost solely on the funds he gets from the link you have provided. According to joint enterprise laws in the UK you can be held accountable for all the crimes committed by Moon because you could have done something to prevent it and you did not. All we need is one person who will listen, one law enforcement officer who isn’t a white supremacist and the rest will fall like dominoes.


We have the names of all your members of staff. We have the time and numbers to research each one and collate dossiers on their friends and family members. You said about me once that you didn’t understand how we were justified in doing to them what they have done to us, as though retaliation is the issue when we have never assumed to take the moral high ground, not when we are so violently compromised. I guess white supremacists of the past 500 years haven’t had much of a resistance to their bullshit and genuinely believe they are a class above the rest of, exempt from the laws that govern us all.


I was advised to publish the names of your staff with this post, because others are not so patient but I thought to remind you of what you’re dealing with first, lest you had forgotten.

We’re not here for the bantz remember, we’re fighting for our very lives.

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The Dangerous Hypocrisy of White People

Whenever the news reports a surge in violent crimes committed by white people, I am compelled to share it with you, to compare and contrast with the vicious and morally bankrupt white supremacist narrative, when the truth often contradicts this.

The featured image is a comment taken from the Metro newspaper in relation to a guilty verdict in a case where the Asian victim had his ears hacked off in a machete attack and later died in hospital. The Asian ringleader was sentenced to 20 years in prison. Consider the leaps this racist made to come to this particular conclusion. Question the motive behind the Metro’s decision to allow a comment such as this, without moderation, despite its hateful and bigoted and wholly dishonest implication (as I am about to demonstrate).

(Who let this shit stain into Cambodia eh? ‘Bert’ must surely have serious concerns regarding the export of prolific child sex abusers imposing harmful British Values on foreign minors?)

Steve Loryman had been a Christian missionary, using the Christian God as a vehicle for his sick interest in children, as the Catholic Church and CofE have done for decades if not centuries.

White men are well known for their predilection for East Asian mail order brides. They also have a history of predation in the Philippines, seeking out the ‘lady boy’ culture for its “exaggerated femininity”. Gary Glitter is famously barred from the Philippines after he was found guilty of child sex abuse in Vietnam. He was kicked out of Cambodia. Interesting isn’t it, that Glitter targeted countries stereotyped for their submissiveness?

Daniel Kilbee was already serving a sentence for the rape of a toddler when he was sentenced to life for the gang rape of a teenager.

It’s not just abroad where we find evidence of the evil wrongdoings of white men, there is a decades long backlog on our own doorstep. In Kilbee’s case I’m left wondering what else he might have done and gotten away with. A baby rapist, a violent offender, one dreads to think of the crimes that led up to this extreme abuse. I don’t suppose ‘Bert’ has any suggestions on what to do about homegrown perpetrators? They were never let in, they learnt from the best, the establishment and all those other privileged sex abusers who seem to keep evading justice. To be so ignorant of the reality, or at least to give that impression, suggests something far more sinister, that this bellend has a vested interest in racist propaganda.

It’s not just sex abusers though is it? Consider the sort of shit stain that keeps a puppy farm and abuses the most innocent of creatures.

Where do you deport such a shit stain to?

Animal abuse is on the rise. There has been a concerted effort of late to paint gulls in a negative light for eg, it’s the media’s go to distraction, with tales of gulls beating up toddlers and killing Yorkshire terriers and taking off with chihuahuas, this protected species has begun the process of polarisation. Sure they’re a menace, and they shit everywhere, and snatch food right out of your hand but it’s our fault they’ve moved into cities, when we leave so much crap lying about, and erect sky scraping buildings, that look like cliffs to them. This is how propaganda works, the drip feeding of negativity, threatening, unpredictable, a threat to our way of life. You can’t deport those shit stain seagulls so I guess there’ll be a cull at some stage.

I suppose British Values, based on the information I am about to share, is the power to do what you like as a white person whilst simultaneously reminding Johnny Foreigner he can in no way do the same.

Where the fuck are you, ‘Bert’, when white people with considerable power are let off the hook off because they have feelings?

PTSD! Depression! Anxiety! All the thing we get labelled snowflakes for. But if you’re a white copper, you can DRINK AND DRIVE AND DO IT AGAIN NO DOUBT.
In what other profession could you demonstrate such lawlessness and coercive power and still be allowed to keep your funding and jobs?

Imagine there were 1000 doctors arrested in the past four years. That would be a crisis of sorts. 1000 nurses? 1000 teachers? Firemen? Paramedics? Any other profession there would be a public inquiry and perhaps a view to reform. Foreigners make up a minority of the police force so you can’t blame it on imported values, ‘Bert’.

Not when white men seem to be the exporters of sex abuse, targeting victims who’ve even less of a chance of justice.

They point fingers because it lets them off the hook. They said they were afraid of being labelled racist, and that’s why they did not do their jobs holding child rapists to account. Never met a copper who was so keen on race relations they forgot to uphold the law. Not when they’re in the papers every other week for one racist incident or another. Not when entire regions have a reputation for their white supremacist bullying of minorities.

Hampshire popo are by no means alone, my local plod are horribly racist, to which I can attest from my own run ins. I imagine ‘Bert’ is a cop lover who thinks bigotry against protected characteristics is a British Value.

When the cops say they didn’t do anything because they were afraid of being labelled racist, when we know they really don’t give a fuck, consider the fact they did nothing because they were all in it together. Child sex abusers have infiltrated every public service you can think of and had been managing the influx of reports to make it appear as though it’s a much smaller problem than it is. When that was no longer effective they ramped up the racist propaganda, so that shit stains like ‘Bert Fegg’, star Metro commenter have been emboldened to stick the boot in whenever a poc engages in criminal behaviour.

By all means, view things via your racist lens, ‘Bert’ but remember, your country is overrun by white predators, and your children are fair game to them. How long will your bigoted beliefs protect you?

Meanwhile.. OVER THE OTHER SIDE OF THE POND

America, all focused on those Mexican rapists when these monsters barely get a mention

How well do we know our husbands/boyfriends/partners?

The state of this horror show.

White people evade justice because they have the support of a racist state and media, and the structural power to claim up is down and even when it seems like we’ve finally got them, we haven’t really.

The opening of sealed files implicated dangerously powerful people in the upper echelons of the establishment on both sides of the Atlantic. Who killed Epstein, the royals or the Clintons? Will we ever know?

Beware: @TheDSGGroup is a woman hating bigot

A couple of nights ago I told a misogynist to fuck off because he said that there is no oppression in the UK, today my account has been suspended. I gave him 10 examples and he responded with misogynous fatphobia. One of his white followers immediately added me to a list ‘fugly’ and a bunch of others liked the abusive tweet.

In a week where right wing Asians have been demanding we all find the appointment of tokenistic South Asians in a racist cabinet a win for the disapora, Dick Swinging Git fulfilled his tokenistic role by denying oppression faced by the majority. I had to object.
“creatures like you”
This is what we mean when we say tokens are put in place by the white supremacist state to further oppress marginalised groups by denying their experiences. As if I’d want to ‘come together’ to talk oppression with an oppressor.

Non violent non abusive men would never speak to anyone like this, even in an argument. Not saying he would be justified if in fact I was fat, but as a slim size 8, it hits home even more, because it doesn’t matter what the reality is, gendered violence is so ingrained in society, men use fatphobia to neg us into submission. To be so casual in his attack, he wasn’t in the least bit worried that it would backfire, it’s probably served him well in the past.

Tokenistic poc have the power to flip it back and claim we are the real racists, for daring to broach the subject of oppression.

I’m Asian. I’m a genuine leftie (none of this neoliberal tory in disguise nonsense) working class, I left school at 16 yet despite this my last salary was almost 30K. I have what it takes to ‘make it’, a better grasp of English than most of the natives, I can sing, write and draw, I am hard working, diligent, and I look for solutions, I fix things or I can create new things. I have not been rewarded for my skills and abilities because I refused to step on the heads of my peers to achieve personal success.

@theDSGgroup has no such scruples, he is a small business owner who claimed to be a socialist and has amassed something like 8000 followers. He was all on board the Corbyn train until Jezza announced he would be introducing a living wage, then his principles dissipated and suddenly went full Brexit. He is everything that is wrong with Britain, the selfish attitude of someone who has only ever put his own needs first. Someone who plays the game because actually, he couldn’t bear it if people didn’t like him.

He doesn’t think I am racist but he got me suspended for racist misconduct. Can’t make it up.

When I blocked him he started hounding me from another account. Bearing in mind I have just been suspended for directing hate towards privileged right wing Asians, in a move that is entirely predictable on the part of Twitter, I was advised that harassment against me did not break the rules.

I’m done being upset by Twitter’s arbitrary rules that consistently reward bigots and disproportionately affect already marginalised people.

There is absolutely no point in my challenging this, or reacting emotionally because it will fall on deaf ears. I’m just going to make another account when I’m back from holiday and can be bothered.

In the meantime I would advise all conscientious socialist minded people raise awareness about this weasel on the left. I found I shared 5 followers with him, some of my mutuals had many more. Just give his TL a read and see for yourselves.

On the matter of oppression:

Footnote: Is it a coincidence my suspension comes on the same day Mark Field has been excused for his violence against a woman activist?

Twitter Enables Gendered Violence

It might just be me but there’s something strange about the way I was booted off Twitter (for as long as it usually takes to become yesterday’s news) on the very day two violent rich white men were splashed all over the news for gendered violence. I mean, it’s always a bit weird when I am ticked off for promoting bigoted hatred or inciting violence by a company that has actively fanned the flames of white supremacy and enabled Nazis when apparently they are not subject to the same rigorous vetting process opponents of white supremacy appear to be, but to silence me as an expert in gendered violence, at such a crucial time?

Tom Sleigh, a councillor for Bishopsgate in the City of London, was doing his utmost to protect his aggressive colleague and friend Mark Field, giving impassioned speeches about how threatened they all were, when a cursory glance at his TL the night before revealed how unfazed he had been by it all.

tomsleighcharmertomsleighfragilitytomsleighcharmertomsleighbankertomsleigh

Perhaps he took umbrage at my daring, that I would forget my place and not fear their wrath. A 7 day ban for a hyperbolic tweet in which I was fairly measured compared to all the other responses it had garnered (a trophy hunting monster, unrepentant, threatening to kill more giraffes) is a bit excessive. Especially given the way they could not chastise me for my tweets on the matter in hand, so went trawling through my history, looking for the slightest thing they could twist to their advantage.

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It might have been Tom, then again it could have been ‘Aunt Lydias’ Laura Kuenssberg or Julia Fartley Sewer. It might have been Iain Martin or even Charlotte Gill of The Times. Whoever it was, they defended violence against women in order to maintain their power. They keep dropping the bar, lowering standards for us all.

iain martincharlotte gill

markfield

The following day we had the likes of Toby Young claiming the Stasi had it in for domestic abuser Boris Johnson. I’m well aware that the law exists only to punish the poorest in society whereas the upper classes are given carte blanche to behave as criminally as they like. Violence against a domestic partner is illegal and an arrestable offence, even if the victim doesn’t want to press charges. We have decades of experience telling us that victims often won’t press charges because there is a threat of further violence for going against the perpetrator. The worst incidents of violence usually occur after a woman leaves an abusive partner, 76% face a repeat incident post separation. It was decided that courts can enforce justice in cases where victims could be manipulated into withdrawing their allegations. The burden is placed on the authorities not the victim. In this way, we were able to hold more perpetrators to account. This is why it is crucial that neighbours report violence. In the absence of a doctor’s report or other professional testimonies, reports from witnesses suffice in a court of law. Imagine how loud they must have been for their neighbours to actually record it. They’re not living in a council building made of breeze blocks, the walls aren’t paper thin and from what I’ve seen it’s completely detached? They might have saved her life, those neighbours. I am grateful to them for their bravery and moral compass. We all have a duty to call out gendered violence wherever we see/hear it.

Carrie Symonds is probably never going to report her abuser. It takes on average 33 attempts for a victim/survivor to finally work up the courage to leave. For many victims, to have that abuse acknowledged when they cannot speak up, is a relief. I can’t say for sure whether she has tried to leave but I do know the neighbours reporting it on her behalf may have significantly cut the length of this process for her. She is no longer suffering in silence, the truth is out. Not that we ever thought that differently of notorious misogynist Johnson.

One of the first things Boris Johnson did in his role as mayor was to axe the role of Women’s Advisor at City Hall and five posts from the London Domestic Violence Strategy Team. He also removed £90,000 from the budget almost immediately. Given that this project had contributed to a 57% reduction in domestic abuse murders, one can only come to the natural conclusion that Boris hates women, and engages in gendered violence not only on a personal level but is actually a danger to us all. The Safer Travel at Night Board also got the chop, regardless of the fact it had ensured a 46% reduction in cab related sexual offences. The London Childcare Unit which provided support for low income families, 90% of them women, was also abolished.

At every turn, Boris has demonstrated his contempt for women. Perhaps this is why I was suspended, because I would have reminded you of his track record, and I was doing such a great job of shaming the defenders of Mark Field’s vaw, they feared I’d be in my element with Boris. I’ve tried to search for and so far failed to find the footage of Johnson actually making a joke about domestic violence on, I believe it was, Newsnight, with Paxman calling him out. Of course there is a footnote on Google explaining how some results have been removed under EU law.

What kind of person would defend such a monster? A nithing like Toby Billy No Mates Young of course. It suddenly makes sense why he has no friends, you are the company you keep after all, and I wouldn’t want to be judged for him.

Beware the Violent Rich White Men™, they have the power to deny everything and make it all your fault. Twitter is clearly in cahoots.

YouTube quietly lets nazi terrorist promoter Joshua Conner Moon back on

After the NZ terror attacks, platforms like YouTube could no longer afford to ignore the risk that Kiwi Farms posed and the account was banned. Whereas social media bosses were pushed to removing footage of the attack filmed by the NZ terrorist, Moon refused and told authorities to go jump. He has proven to the world he is a threat to vulnerable people but also he has no boundaries, he revelled in the slaughter of innocent worshippers and encouraged others to do the same.

Odd then that it appears Joshua Moon has reinstated his YouTube account, with over 2000 followers subscribed to it.

YouTube has shown a lack of care and consideration for the victims of the NZ terror attacks and all potential future victims. If nazi incels like Moon are allowed to spread their hate via mainstream channels despite criminal activity, we cannot feign ignorance when they strike again.

Moon can also be found here https://dlive.tv/KiwiFarms. We are hoping to initiate a dialogue with Dlive.tv to make them aware of just who it is they are hosting. In a civilised society there is no place for the vile meanderings of a nazi incel who is connected with multiple murders and suicides and a network of white supremacist terrorists from the Americans to the Antipodeans.

Joshua Moon is quoted as saying ”I have begged my mother and my therapist to sleep with me out of desperation” on his forum. This creature has no sense of right and wrong.

Here’s a podcast analyzing the paedophilia promotion of Joshua Conner Moon.

Despite our many requests for BitChute host Ray Vahey to ban Moon from his application, he continues to ignore us. You can find him on Twitter and ask him why he thinks this is ok.

According to News.com.au, Australia’s number one news website which reaches over 9.5 million Australians:

“Before he founded Kiwi Farms, Moon was sacked as an administrator for 8chan for allegedly promoting paedophilia. He is notorious for his online stalking and harassment campaigns, which have featured threats to “rape, murder and dismember” his mainly female victims. In 2016, Moon was linked to a series of online threats to harm children in Florida, where he shares a home with his mother, forcing dozens of schools into lockdown.”

You can see this quote at:

https://www.news.com.au/technology/online/website-kiwi-farms-refuses-to-surrender-data-linked-to-accused-christchurch-terrorist-brendan-tarrant/news-story/46d3c925ef84b24dde6194c42b3c2241

http://archive.is/0pjA5

See the following articles on Joshua Conner Moon and his promotion of the Christchurch terrorist attack:

https://www.news.com.au/technology/online/website-kiwi-farms-refuses-to-surrender-data-linked-to-accused-christchurch-terrorist-brendan-tarrant/news-story/46d3c925ef84b24dde6194c42b3c2241

The online cesspits where hate found a home

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6824055/Founder-American-website-publishes-scathing-email-sent-New-Zealand-police.html

https://www.zerohedge.com/news/2019-03-17/new-zealand-police-demand-kiwi-farms-messsage-board-preserve-ip-addresses-and-email

https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/christchurch-shooting/111385517/website-operator-says-requests-for-help-in-wake-of-shooting-a-joke

https://www.msn.com/en-nz/news/national/shock-website-refuses-to-help-police-over-christchurch-terror-attack/ar-BBUTu5T?li=BBSVtLJ

There is no grey area here. If you allow Joshua Conner Moon a platform on your service you are enabling his abhorrent criminal ventures. In the UK we have a joint enterprise law which means you can be criminalised for just being involved, even if you did not have a direct hand in it.

 

West Midlands Police don’t care about rape threats against women of colour

West Midlands police have launched an investigation into UKIP candidate Carl Benjamin aka Sargon of Akkad (a persistent and odious troll rooted in Gamergate, he was a champion for that other misogynist Elevatorgate) for saying he’d rape Jess Phillips if he were under pressure. He had previously said he wouldn’t even rape her, in 2016 when Jess discussed men threatening rape on social media.

Prior to this, in 2014, I had approached West Midlands police with a dossier of tweets aimed at me threatening to rape me, in sick detail, and death threats, suggestions to kill myself, a calculated effort on the part of gamergaters and various chan types to silence the most vocal social justice activists. They were sicced on us by the liberal leftie media (led by Helen Lewis) when we challenged their outrageously bigoted takes on minorities whilst excluding us from the conversation. At the time there was a surge in radical feminists taking a stand and ‘kill all men’ was a hyperbolic retort to the escalating harassment and stalking of women activists online. This phrase caused more of a ripple at my local plod office than the reams of threats and attempts to dox me. They said they could not prove rape threats were outside the realms of taste and decency in the context of international law and if I was so threatened I should log off the internet. Furthermore I was advised I could face criminal prosecution for my use of said phrase. I was victimised again by the very people who are supposed to keep us safe. I wasn’t going to make the same mistake again.

westmids

I said as much on social media, and challenged West Midlands police on their Twitter account for failing to do even the most basic of their duties and they blocked me. So self assured were they, that someone as insignificant as me would go unheard, they just turned their backs. I approached Jess about it on Twitter and she told me to talk to my own MP, but only after a slanging match. I tweeted Stella Creasy as well and she just ignored me. Now we’ve got everyone bending over backwards to condemn the nazi rapists who went largely ignored by the authorities for YEARS until someone ‘important’ was targeted.

I will reiterate what I said then, as pertinent as it is now; you might have more in common with them, they may share your political leanings, your skin colour, or your mutual dislike of opponents but you let them brutalise even one of us and you’ve allowed for society to take a nosedive in standards and made the world a little colder and crueller with your indifference. Doing the right thing isn’t a commendable thing really, not when we find it so easy to help the people we like. To stand for people who can do nothing for you, against injustices that have a knock on effect on us all, that’s a true measure of one’s character; to be principled in complex scenarios, and sadly we just haven’t had the leaders in place to ensure this.

It has allowed for perpetrators of ‘unpleasant comments’ to legally stand for public office.

electroal

Consider the way in which Bahar Mustafa was targeted amid calls for her to lose her job for saying “kill all white men”. Or the way Sarah Jeong was mercilessly harangued, for remarks such as “dumbass white people” by the very same Gamergate incels who no doubt informed her opinions. It’s very easy to mount campaigns to uproot and destroy the lives of women of colour yet white men can LEGALLY make threats to rape serving women MPs and the electoral commission just shrugs, minimises criminal intent and says “what can you do?”

As a society we have rewarded the worst in human traits. In the pursuit of white supremacy, a thing all white people even the ‘not racist’ ones must protect, it was easier to pretend we didn’t exist perhaps in the hopes we would succumb to threats. We haven’t and the abusers have only been empowered by the authorities’ tacit approval, so much so that they can threaten rape and stand for public office.

5 years on we haven’t killed all the men or even one, but the number of women targeted by rapists and the far right has grown out of control. Our free speech came under question but the criminal activities of rapist nazis were enabled because they are actually all on the same side.

This country has gone to shit and it isn’t because of immigrants, it’s raping paedophile nazis platformed by the mainstream media and government. Jess is perhaps best placed to change this.. FOR ALL WOMEN.. but will she?

Band of Bollocks

fatigues2012

It’s been an embarrassing week for Britain’s armed forces. Following the news that soldiers were using Jeremy Corbyn’s image for target practice, 6 more have been arrested for an ‘alleged’ sexual assault against a teenage female soldier. I quote alleged because I believe her. In response to these events an army chief Sir Mark Carleton-Smith released a video in which he condemns such actions as “downright unacceptable”. He went on to say it was inappropriate to remark further on the individual cases but added:

“But I will say this: where serious allegations are proven against members of the army, including allegations of a violent or sexual nature, it demonstrates indiscipline that is wildly at odds with the values and standards that represent the fabric of not just our army but the nation’s army, the British army.”

I wonder the leaps one must take to actually believe the British army is a force for good that doesn’t routinely engage in sexual assault as part of their hazing rituals and only employs good decent non bigoted people to carry out their duties. The main objective of the British army is to keep the world prostrated to its superiority. They have outposts all over the world, during peacetime, and why? To remind the world the empire is still live and kicking. White people, without a single desirable trait, join the army to feel superior about themselves. All the domestic staff employed by the bases abroad are brown, they clean up after their white superiors and take orders, however small and so even the lowliest of personnel in terms of rank, feel like they’re the master.

For a short while in my late 20s I was engaged to a British armed forces man. Before he went on his first tour he was kind, or at least that was the impression he gave me. Coming from an army family myself (Pakistani) there was something of the familiar in him that I was drawn to although now I appreciate this wasn’t necessarily a good thing. He was from an army family too, going back at least two generations. He had fought it himself, didn’t want to join the forces because he believed it to be a mug’s game for people who didn’t have any other option. When his heavy metal band failed and he could no longer hold off the stern direction of his retired army dad, he joined the royal air force, unlike his younger brother, who had joined the paras as soon as he could (all he ever wanted to do was please his daddy).

What an eye-opening affair it was. Up until I met him I actually believed I was British and loved my country. I felt like I had a place here and white people on the whole were accepting of British born foreigners. It was he who put me straight. He said most white people put on a face for non whites, but the second our back is turned they switch. They’ll refer to us as the paki or coloured one, even if the person being referred to is a pilot in the royal air force. He came to me with a conundrum once, what to do when his staff sergeant refers to brown people as pakis? He felt a little put out because he felt it was personally disrespectful to him (because he had a paki in his possession?) but at the same time didn’t want to rock the boat. What could I say to this, I was still busy trying to survive well and didn’t want to draw attention to myself.

There were many things I let slide, or laughed off. He had a friend, Jamie, with a massive bald head and northern accent. When sober he’d make inappropriate remarks like “can I have a go on her next?” to my ex but when he was drunk, there was no filter. He’d call me a paki to my face and laugh at my ex saying our kids would be ugly. This was banter you see and I couldn’t get upset about it because then I didn’t have a sense of humour or he might get violent about it. There was a respect for bullying toxic patriarchy in that crowd that ensured victims never spoke up. I found out this ex had been disciplined for telling a female solider he could smell her period. I only found this out after I asked why she and her partner and friends were giving me daggers. I guess they couldn’t believe someone would be so desperate and pathetic as to legitimise him by being in a relationship with him.

There were some good people, I cannot deny this but they tended to be few and far between. I liked the corporal who was his immediate superior and his wife. They seemed to have an understanding of racism, even in the forces and made an extra effort to be inviting and friendly, I even cat sat for them once at Christmas. There were another couple of wives I really got on with and I still stay in touch with one of them.

I knew someone else in the army, on the clerical side and he always gave a good impression on behalf of the forces and condemned the people I told him about, saying they were bringing the armed forces to disrepute. For example, my ex and his brother would constantly talk about the tricks they’d pull on their peers, the rituals that almost always bordered on sexual assault. On a few occasions I had to object and call it what it was, rape, and how it wasn’t funny and how they were complicit in enabling and covering it up. I was told to get a grip, that “it’s only gay if they push back” and how this process was meant to sort the wheat from the chaff, if it really is too much for newbies they were always welcome to leave. I saw a clip his brother shared once on fb and was actually triggered by it, being a survivor of sexual violence myself. A young lad, couldn’t have been more than 19, clearly distressed but smiling as his pals piss all over him whilst he’s sat there naked, tied to a chair. They were throwing things at him and pawing at his body and all this kid could do was grin and bear it. Only real men take it like a real man, that’s their mantra in a toxic mostly male environment that is rife with non consensual activity.

After doing a tour in Afghanistan he came back with a sort of cocky confidence that scared me. Whilst he was there he’d commissioned an Afghan to make me a luggage tag with all 22 letters of my very Muslim sounding name on it, like he was saying “we’ve got one of yours”. As he described this unspoken exchange between the two men it made me feel sick to the pit of my stomach cos I had felt a bit like a trophy right from the beginning. He’d say things like “you’re safe now you’re on the white side” and “they’re always taking ours, so now I’ve got one of theirs” like I was just a piece of property to be coveted and appropriated by the best man, naturally white British.

I don’t know where Sir Michael got the impression the events of the past few weeks sit at odds with their values. Domestic abuse is 5 times more likely to occur in the armed forces, in an environment where toxic patriarchy thrives. When they return from tour they have a couple of weeks to holiday in a hot country to ‘decompress’ before they come back to the UK. They’re given a talking to by the padre on how to act when they are reunited with loved ones. They’re reminded that wives and girlfriends are human and probably don’t want to have rough sex for hours on end. They have to be TOLD. My ex’s mother would say it was part of the armed forces job to break the recruits down so as to rebuild them again into the soldiers they need. She and the rest of the family would roll their eyes at her boy’s exploits and even titter but no one ever called it out for what it was.

I’m glad I had that experience, in hindsight. It was revealing and formative, it made me into the person I now am. I am damned if I ever sit by and just listen to any of that shite ever again. I will object to racism every single damn time, I don’t care if it is a ‘joke’, I think ‘banter’ is for shit people who haven’t a single funny bone in their body, who invoke it when they’re being called out for being a nasty little bigot. I don’t care if you do think I’m a vampire sucking the fun out of your undeserved entitlement, look at the state of you will ya? And I will call a rapist a rapist and a toxic patriarchal environment when I see one.

They don’t get any more toxic or patriarchal than the armed forces.