A Timeline of Events – How Kiwi Farms became what it is

I was a reluctant political activist. When I first joined Twitter (2011) I’d tweet about my favourite things, Leonard Cohen, kittens, and mute anything that made my heart flutter, in particular anything related to racism or injustice. I just didn’t have the stomach for it. I had recently suffered a miscarriage which was followed by a road traffic accident, leaving me with a slipped disc and a mental breakdown. I was possibly in the worst shape of my life, physically and mentally and so wasn’t exactly prepared for the violence of the coming years, and from the people I least expected it from.

The austerity riots radicalised me. It seemed fascism was upon us, although at that stage I was only one of a handful concerned by it. A 6 month custodial sentence for stealing a crate of water seemed dystopian to me but I wasn’t aware then of how much the Overton window had shifted over to the right.

In the early days white feminists adored me. Caroline Criado Perez personally invited me to join the Feminist Party. It seemed at the time feminism was peaking, we were all galvanised by trends such as #IDidNotReport and #KillAllMen, laying bear the truth about rape and how many of us were affected by it. However, a worrying theme was developing among radical feminists, something I personally identified as. They wanted to make a distinction between born females and everyone else. We were asked to complete a survey and the results were jarring, unfettered transphobia from many of them and silence from the rest. When we objected to it, they doubled down. In the minutes they had expressed a desire to recruit more woc and accountants, as if they were merely ticking boxes. Marina Strinkovsy attacked Sarah Jane for being cis and white, asking what her problem was as she obviously wasn’t personally affected, not realising that solidarity is key to a movement and you don’t have to be x to be concerned. Helen Lewis was also recruited to this party and had been silently stewing I guess, biding her time. Then we heard about a gang rape in India and I sent Lewis a piece I’d written after various mutuals had encouraged me to. She said that she’d commissioned an Indian writer to write about India’s problem. I responded that her position was racist in itself and gang rape is something that happens here too. She ignored me until I mistakenly (was it though? In retrospect?) accused Mary Beard of racism. Helen Lewis flew at me like an errant wasp. Upon realising my mistake (it was that racist historian David Starkey saying the whites have all turned black on Newsnight) I promptly apologised to Beard and she kindly accepted. She even paid my rent once, years later. But Helen Lewis wasn’t going to let it go. She threw me to her massive following and that is when it all began, when white knights galloped in to tell me that Helen Lewis was right and I should be grateful to be allowed to exist in this country at all. Not once did she or her group of mean girls (bar Sarah Ditum who did once express her horror at the ways I was being attacked) ever condemn the racism and threats to rape and kill me, which started with Elevatorgate.

Elevatorgate refers to an incident in which an atheist woman was cornered in an elevator by another atheist at a conference, where Richard Dawkins was also on the panel (do click on this link for an account of exactly what happened). He decided she was whining for no reason and listed all the ways she had it better than Muslim women, who were really oppressed.

“After multiple comments criticizing Dawkins, he explained that, in his view, Watson had not suffered any injury, comparing Watson’s experience with the annoyance one might feel while riding an elevator with someone chewing gum”

The athesists overlapped with gamergate, chan types who were most concered with women journalists ruining ethics in gaming journalism. Helen Lewis is one such writer. Her hate followers latched onto me instead. In a war between women, they choose their own, even if they can’t stand them otherwise.

I joined a group back then which included people like Martin Robbins (friends with Helen) and his sidekick Rhys Morgan. We discovered where Elevatorgate lived, what his name was, what kind of things he liked to sell. We could have ended it all there, with one visit, all of us, but Martin and Rhys wanted to play games and go undercover and so they kicked us out of the group when we rightfully labelled them a bunch of bellends.

Elevatorgate, gamergate, 4chan, 8chan, Kiwi Farms, lolcow, Baphomet, Encyclopaedia Dramatica, these are all the same people. They consist mostly of white men with the odd Indian and Jew, concerned first and foremost with protecing white supremacy, which is tied in with cis heteronormative values. The earliest wave attacked feminists online referring to us as feminazis and claiming we were the real threat to western civilisation. Some of them decided that wasn’t radical enough and birthed another chan. And this is what kept happening, each times they’d breach the increasingly lax rules, another more violent more extreme iteration was conceived. They are all complicit. Including West Midlands police who blocked me on social media when I asked why they weren’t taking seriously racialised threats to rape and mutilate me. Self identifying police officers mocked me for being a p*ki running to the white police for protection.

Up until this point however I was still relatively safe under my pseudonym (Sam Ambreen, a shortened version of my actual name). I had moved around so often in my life I wasn’t immediately visible on any public registers. They had tried to dox me, Vikram aka Elevatorcreep, various channers like Mark Sabine, a lecturer at Warwickshire university who absolutely bricked it when I very easily managed to track him down via his IP address (people try to credit me with this and I am so incredulous I cannot accept it. It was too easy) and had failed up until I was doxed by an abusive ex, who set up an account on Twitter parodying me, with my full name and other identifiable details when I had some of his publication’s work taken down for misappropriating my name and image. I had it taken down but not before Kiwi Farms had utilised it.

They doxed me. They doxed my family. They threatened to rape my baby nephews.

I won’t lie, I spiralled. I damn near killed myself in 2019 and they cheered it all on, Kiwi Farms.

I was driven off Twitter by Gnasher Jew who targeted me in the Labour antisemitism scam and used Kiwi Farms to dox me to their followers.

I spent the next couple of years away from social media working on myself. In that time I’ve come off my medication and learnt the skills I need to feel safe (ish) in public. I know I’m one of the lucky ones. I had family, friends, even other victims of Kiwi Farms lift me up when I wasn’t able.

When this house of cards eventually falls, I will be here to provide all the receipts.

#DropKiwiFarms? One can only hope

I haven’t blogged in a while because words seem ineffective these days. It is a time for direct action.

Only so many times you can say the same thing over and over again without feeling like you’re losing it. I have come far in my recovery and am one year post meds. I am trying to protect my energy, using it only when it is good for me. Having said that I can’t let recent developments go unchecked.

For over a week now Kiwi Farms (or kiwifarms as it goes in the trends), has been trending on Twitter, largely driven by one individual, Keffals. It’s the first time I’ve come across her so don’t really have an opinion on her as a personality but am grateful to her all the same, because she has managed to raise awareness in such a short space of time.

Keffals is targeting Cloudflare to #DropKiwiFarms. We have in the past asked the same of Cloudflare, especially as they already set a precedent, having banned 8chan when it had “repeatedly proven itself to be a cesspool of hate”.

Cloudflare, along with Brave (browsing) and YouTube and various others have enabled Kiwi Farms. Ditto policing authorities across the west.

I’m trying to ignore the little voice that is telling me Keffals is getting the attention that was denied to us because she is white and popular. It helps she works at Twitch I guess, and a 100k+ following can’t hurt at all.

I just I hope we are not forgotten.

(I was made aware in the past 24hrs of another suicide which can be directly linked to Kiwi Farms and has already been reported to the FBI)

(Click through to the tweet to read the full conversation)

And watch this space.

Rachel Riley wants to bury this picture

Threatens to get people banned and sued if they share it.

Rachel is the true racist endeavour.

She can fuck off with her blonde hair and blue eyes.

(Apparently it’s due to copyright. Erm, wasn’t this picture shared a million times at the time? Are they all going to pay you as well Rach? Sue me)

Read if you have a Vitamin D deficiency

Every time I think I’m healed something hits me out of the blue and I feel as though I’m back at square one. “It’s finally caught up with you” I tell myself, dreading the worst, because there is a link between CPTSD and degenerative diseases, illnesses like cancer and autoimmune conditions. One of my sisters is currently receiving radiotherapy so genetically we may already be predisposed.

Nonetheless I consume good foods and supplements and exercise as many times as I can a week, even when I don’t feel like it. I sorta took it as a challenge, something I even do out of spite, to live as well as can be, to prove that sometimes, for all our good intentions, we can just be extremely unlucky, or even worse, the system could be fixed to ensure we never succeed.

Take, for example, the government’s decision to scrap free vitamin D for 20% of the British population. Sure there might be the odd white person who qualifies, perhaps they don’t get out for whatever reason, but most of the people affected by it are people of colour, and those with a ‘mediterranean complexion’. This is just another one of the government’s racist policies to ensure we can never thrive. In fact when it seemed like vitamin D deficiency might point to disproportionate numbers of poc being affected by covid, they offered free supplements to those at risk if they were shielding, however this scheme has since closed, because a study found that previous studies linking vitamin D deficiency to Covid 19 may not have been correct. They swooped in to save the day because a class action lawsuit may well have been on the horizon but subsequent research let them off the hook.

They talk about racially biased medical equipment as a factor for poc’s comparatively poor prognoses, but never racially biased people; governments and medical staff.

I popped down to my local chemist today, in an area that serves people with tanned skin. Bearing in mind I am in receipt of disability benefits, that I won two tribunals in order to access what I had grown up believing was my right, especially after all that emergency tax I was never able to recoup, I was hoping to get away with paying a fiver or less for a month’s supply. What could I do except laugh and put my hand back into my pocket when the pharmacist said it was FOURTEEN POUNDS? I don’t imagine it was ever that expensive for the NHS to purchase. I currently take a branded multivitamin, that I thought was especially dear for what it is (women’s products are always marked up), but I can buy one and get another half price for £15 in total, a bargain compared to generic vitamin D.

Perhaps it so expensive because they know the majority of people affected by it are among the poorest in the country AND THEY DON’T WANT US WELL. Those who can afford it, the doctors, pharmacists and lawyers, the poc this country needs so tolerates to an extent, will be fine.

We need them to challenge this inequality on behalf of us all.

The racist government want us to believe it is a privilege to live somewhere that is leeching the life out of us, and that we shouldn’t expect our taxes to work for us when we need them.

(sharpens guillotine)

I Wonder What He Meant

5 years ago today Leonard Cohen passed on into heaven. Perhaps my body knows this on a cellular level, grieve as I did, because I’ve had The Future playing on repeat for a couple of days and only just realised it is the anniversary. I’m excited because it would seem he really did know what he was talking about, as great poets usually do. Especially these verses:

There’ll be the breaking of the ancient
Western code
Your private life will suddenly explode (ooh, ooh)
There’ll be phantoms
There’ll be fires on the road
And the white man dancing

You’ll see a woman
Hanging upside down (ooh, ooh)
Her features covered by her fallen gown (ooh, ooh)
And all the lousy little poets
Coming round
Tryin’ to sound like Charlie Manson
Yeah, the white man dancin’

Give me back the Berlin wall
Give me Stalin and St. Paul
Give me Christ or give me Hiroshima (do, do, do)

Pretty self explanatory eh? The breaking of the ancient western code.. as lovers and keepers of women and animals and the world. Our private lives have indeed exploded, thanks to the pandemic. Our politicians are frightful ghouls. There are wildfires from Turkey to Australia, and the white man is indeed dancing, like a performing monkey, for anyone who still cares.

Violence against women is at an all time high, especially in those geographical areas where they’d given us the impression “we don’t treat our women like that”.. The lousy little Charlie Manson poets.. rofl, is there anything more incel than that description, especially as it swiftly follows on from a depiction of gendered violence?

Human behaviour is formulaic/cyclical so he could well be describing the tail end of any empire but I am going to let myself believe he predicted The Future and bowed out before he was forced to endure it (again).

RIP you keeper of truth, you guardian of beauty.

They all knew, and did nothing

10 years ago Jimmy Savile was exposed as a paedophile even though it was one of the worst kept secrets in the mainstream media. Everyone knew, as was apparent when they all crawled out the woodwork to regale us with their personal accounts of his abuses. Rather than it being an indictment of the chattering classes they saw it as roll call of a who’s who, if you had gotten close enough to this national treasure to witness him in the act of a sex crime, then you were really somebody.. until we told them it was disgusting. I read in astonishment the confessions, how these people supposedly at the head of their games, had in effect, formed a sort of joint enterprise with Savile (watch that Louis Theroux show again), to keep mum, to not report, to not alert the authorities. They had let his victims down again and again, all 1300 of them. We went for the ‘journalists’, and they were suddenly dumbstruck , uneasy at the laws they had just confessed to breaking (read up on joint enterprise and how they only ever use it to imprison black and brown people). If you knew a crime was taking place, and in some cases even witnessed it unfolding, and you did nothing to stop it, or to get help, then it is as if you had committed the crime yourself. That’s what the law says. Unless you are a British journalist and the problem is so huge, you have to make something up or risk losing the trust of the public, and your job.

What better way to get the feckless British public on side than ramp up the racism? Enable hate crimes? Create a hostile environment where the issue is no longer one of endemic sex abuse committed by the majority white population but an imported threat, one that can be tackled and contained. Assuage the racist British public’s sense of unease at their own shameful history by covering it up with a much less prolific (they keep trying to downplay Savile) but more attention grabbing cause du jour, one that they will wholeheartedly embrace. They’re all complicit, everyone comes out of this feeling much better about themselves, but if you really gave a shit about victims, you wouldn’t care about the colour of their skin. Actually, you’d acknowledge that sex abusers are overwhelmingly white and there is a correlation between white predators and the abuse of much smaller children, especially babies. Yep, that’s right, white sex abusers target babies. If you’re a parent then the truth should be a priority for you.

I would like to remind the Guardian that ‘risking everything’ to expose injustice is the very definition of journalism. You’re supposed to be brave and ‘speak truth to power’, a concept you profess to understand, ya melts. This sly dig at the BBC where Savile was a national treasure is a bit rich, not like the Guardian itself knows its own arse from its elbow (did Michael ever take Giles to court for that allegation? Am going to assume it’s true till he does). The guardian was as right wing as they get until the Tories won the last election, and now they’re back on the left, pretending to give a shit.

All supposedly Leftist media is heaving with racists and rapists of children, it is why they didn’t report on it themselves until they absolutely had no choice.

When will we hold the mainstream media to account for their involvement in the cover up of establishment sex abuses? For training our focus elsewhere and minimising the looming threat? For allowing these abuses to continue?

The Epigenetics of Cricket

(I can’t say I’m particularly thrilled to be drawn into the cricket wars but it would be amiss of me to overlook it at this juncture, especially with the appointment of Lord Kamlesh Patel as the new chairman, following the resignation of Lord Hutton.)


Ah cricket.. I’m shocked, SHOCKED that it would become so mired in allegations of institutional racism this far down the line when it has been a racist colonial endeavour from its very conception. It’s a trigger for me, for sure. My granddad loved it, along with snooker and spaghetti westerns, which contrasted heavily with his white beard and kurta. I’m still trying to figure him out, 15 years after his death. He was glued to every tournament, from the Ashes to the Asia cup, it didn’t matter if Pakistan were playing, he loved the sport down to his very bones. That said, when Pakistan did play, the entire household got involved. Granddad promised us a Bounty chocolate each, and he was so happy I wanted it to go on forever, and so we prayed to God, let Pakistan win this time, just this once, please, oh God, oh God, OH GOD. When Pakistan beat England in the 1992 world cup we buzzed around the living room as if we’d invaded the grounds, pogoing in sheer rapture, a kind of psychotic break if I’m honest, we weren’t used to this much happiness, we weren’t allowed to lose ourselves in any given moment. “Don’t laugh so hard lest you cry” was the family motto so it was a rare treat to feel so intensely. True to his word, he went out and bought those Bounty bars. I had foolishly thought we could ride that wave of jubilation and let it pour into other areas of our lives but I was mistaken. There was a crash following the high and it left me utterly confused. Perhaps granddad had felt ashamed at letting himself get so carried away. Perhaps he had celebrated as if India hadn’t fallen in that last mutiny, and the comedown reminded him of the truth.

I’m pleased to have lived through Pakistan’s finest moment. In the 30 years since, I see it for the tiny speck of victory it was in a many hundreds years long battle for legitimacy from underneath the heel of our white supremacist colonial oppressors. Pakistan is a country that never wins, not in sport or any other area on the world stage. You can be racist to Pakistanis, you can be Islamophobic and for the most part the rest of the world allows it. When Pakistan loses, they are faced with death threats, leaving team members suicidal because this is not just a game but a battle for recognition. If you win, they’ll make you the prime minister. Imagine England doing the same? This is the legacy of the British empire, without which Pakistan wouldn’t even exist. Cricket is another way of reminding Pakistanis of their place in the world.

It is why the appointment of a British Indian, in response to allegations of racism, is particularly intriguing because England loves to divide Indian and Pakistanis and actively uses the former as a shield against allegations of racism “can’t be racist if you like some poc”. I’ve seen it so many times, actors and singers make a film with or even marry another kind of minority, perhaps one that follows the same religion, or drinks the same kind of whisky.. because racism isn’t just about the colour of your skin, but about how much of your own culture you hold on to. For some racists, they’re happy so long as you look, think and eat like them. They’ve evolved past the colour of our skin, because sometimes it’s pretty and they covet it. Racism is as much about the erasure of our cultures, and appropriation as it is the tone of our skin.

Right wing Indians believe in white supremacy. They drink alcohol, eat pork, and promote inequality as their religious right. I’m not sure which way Patel leans but I have to question the motivations of the selection committee. As I’ve said previously there are 3 kinds of white people. I don’t think the administration of a cricket club are the 1/3 I ally myself with, or the 1/3 vociferously acting out against foreigners, they are the remaining 1/3 who believe they are not racist but most definitely are. They can be manipulated by the likes of Nike into acting like they are anti racist but then their actions leave a bitter taste in one’s mouth because of the collage of other incidents reaching far back into history whereby the white administration uses Indians to subjugate the rest whilst appearing to do the right thing.

Only time will tell I guess.

(PS: Imagine if famous cricketers, and other personalities, had backed us up 10 years ago when we were being vilified by the mainstream press for calling racism out. You might erase me but I take full credit for this, for opening up that dialogue and making sure none of them were untouchable. Remember how upset they’d get when we’d just say ‘white people’? My job is done.)

Is White Supremacy Dajjal?

I wouldn’t say I was religious by any stretch of the imagination but I believe all of the religions and their stories, as being factual to their believers, and therefore to me, in that moment. I love the concept of Tzadikim Nistarim and hope it is a fact. I take ashirwad, sign myself with a cross when it is customary and cover myself from my head to my toes when someone in the family dies, just to make the others a bit more comfortable in my presence. As a teen I would have inflicted my knees on everyone regardless of their feelings because I misguidedly believed, as other teens (and funnily enough, a large proportion of white people) do, that I knew everything and Islam was a wrong un, just like my racist white ‘friends’ had said.

Islam had done me a lot of wrong to be fair. Actually it was Muslims but I didn’t much care for semantics back then. It seemed like Islam was the root of all my woes but then I hadn’t seen very many good Muslims. If anything people from my part of the world practice a very toxic patriarchal strain of the faith, because they are trying to live up to medieval Christianity (well God did favour it no?)

Except.. Muslims believe that Islam will once again rise to save the world from the Dajjal, the all seeing or all knowing one eyed monster. It might not literally be a physical monster but a metaphor, and it will tussle with the twisted tribes of Jooj and Majooj, thems who’ve been wreaking havoc on the people of the middle east. Now.. shush me if you think I’ve levelled up in my batshittery but what could be more joojmajooj than the Taliban and Isis? The Muslim world does not acknowledge them as coming from our tribe. They are murderers and rapists and all people with a conscience, especially Muslims, abhor the sight of them. It is the west that is constantly giving them a platform, legitimising their attempts to form governance when there are no rules to build upon, promising to save us from them if we just drink the kool aid.. this is what I was taught dajjal would do.

Dajjal (white supremacy) will wave a wand and fix all your problems.. It will promise you the world if you’ll just bow to its superiority.. weak people will buy into it readily.. and then Jesus will return to claim God’s truest believers. Why Jesus and not Mohammed or Moses? Because Christians need to be saved the most.

Hardline religious folks believe we have entered the end times, without a day going by without the promise of one plague or another, be it locusts or a coronavirus. These are biblical times indeed. With the facade of Cop26 driving home the complete disconnect in the brains of the all white leaders of the world, espousing changes for the rest of us whilst insisting their time is so important they can justify hopping on a plane from Glasgow to London, I call a dajjal a dajjal when I see it. They’re not going to fix the planet, they’re going to carry on exactly as they were, instead using this opportunity to hit us with more taxes and restrictions on our rights.

It’s different this time though. Climate change matters to white folk in a way that racism and misogyny just doesn’t. They rip their court papers up without covering their faces. They NEVER cover their faces because they feel entitled to break laws somewhat safe in the knowledge they have actual human rights. I bet half of them were spawned by politicians. I get that a prison term just isn’t comparable to total and utter anhiliation, and I wholeheartedly agree.

The snake will eat its own tail. Tee hee.

Dividing and conquering victims of gendered violence? Sick

Thar she goes again. Britannia, I mean, with her ol’ divide and conquer. Black women are being failed by cops, so says the new CEO at Refuge, a service that cut culturally sensitive refuges for women on the fringes the second the Tories introduced their inherently racist and sexist policies for the sector. They’re playing hot potato. They’re shifting the blame when this is a racist country and they’re all guilty of everything.

They want black and Asian women to fight it out over who is the most victimised. This is a tired tactic.

I, as an Asian woman, could tell you plenty about how the cops have failed Asian women. How the first victims of Asian grooming gangs were their own wives and daughters, and were never afforded justice because they weren’t even recognised. I could tell you a thing or 2 about the inherently racist and sexist (yes, sexist) ideas middle class white women have of we lesser mortals, even in a supposedly professional healing environment, but nobody wants to listen to that.

We are minority women, whether we are black or Asian. At least for many of us born here we have English as a first language and can go into a mainstream refuge if needs be.. what about the women with no recourse to public funds, of which there will be many more now? Those who do not have English as a first language? It’s so easy for powerful white people at the heads of their organisations to provide sound bites that appear to be helpful when they are anything but, to those of us who have worked in the domestic violence sector and witnessed firsthand the apathy white leaders have for anyone who is not white. Culturally sensitive provision is an afterthought, the crumbs they throw us when all is hunkydory in their white centric universe.

They’re all in it together, Cath.

TW: Would you report your rape to the police?

With the news of a 3rd Met police officer (in as many weeks) being investigated for sex crimes (here is the 1st and 2nd), and this against a minor, I thought I should freshly press this, and remind people that this is not new, that this has been covered up by policing authorities and the government to push the line that the real threat is Asian grooming gangs (and any other foreigner). The real threat in this country is anyone with an ounce of coercive power and this is why they censor me, they do not scare me. Other people tell me they are afraid to share my work because I have made threats.. how odd that the threats I make are concerning but not the 50 million made against me. I would RELISH a day in court, even as a defendant, so that I can show the British legal system for the sorry excuse it is, enabling white supremacy and dehumanising the rest of us. I’d go to prison for it.

10 years it’s taken the mainstream media to report on this. Tell me, why would white feminists silence me when this should have been their work too, instead of those sodding banknotes?

It is slightly amusing, the juxtaposition of these extreme abuses of power by the Met with reporting on the protests against China at Rome G20, as a serial human rights abuser. Are (white) people that swayed by their own cultural superiority it renders them completely oblivious to the human rights abuses being committed on their own doorsteps? I guess so, white feminists were all to happy to ignore working class feminists (like me) on the frontline against looming threats (like the police).

PS: why all this focus on the Met? Almost like they’re a scapegoat and potentially covering up a much worse problem. You can’t tell me West Midlands are better than the Met. In my experience they are equal parts odious.

Left at the Lights

I have a Google email alert for sexual offences police corruption. It’s been a busy week for a few bastard coppers. I created the alert after the case brought against Ryan Coleman Farrow who was convicted of 13 counts of misconduct in public office (THIRTEEN) yet received only 16 months in prison for his crimes despite the fact that one of the victims killed herself following his negligence. They described him as a ‘rogue officer who set out to deceive’ implying that victims should not be alarmed by his practice, as though he was the exception not the rule (even though there was some vague reporting of a coinciding case where the defendant could not be named for whatever reason). Another of Coleman Farrow’s cases involved the rape of a 96 year old woman (she died without justice) by her son, in her own home. I would imagine if you…

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