Safe Spaces

A positive mental health story

When we talk about mental health it’s always about the suffering that goes with it and the judgments other people make about the mentally unwell. We very rarely talk about recovery and the magic that sometimes happens when you achieve the unexpected, without even trying it would seem. I might be underestimating the work that I’ve done or perhaps I’m not sure what exactly triggered it but I’m going to share a couple of things that have happened to me recently that can only be linked to a traumatic event that I’ve somehow neutralised.

For over 30 years I could not eat strawberries. I’d manage a strawberry yoghurt, enjoy a strawberry milkshake but the actual fruit, bleurgh, it made me feel nauseous. I thought they were too tart and when overripe smelt a little bit like death. The pockmarked flesh can’t have helped, I do have moderate trypophobia. It was strange because my twin sister adored them and would eat them by the punnet load. I wasn’t always like this, as a small child we often went on family trips to local farms where we’d pick fruit and veg and spent an entire day rolling down hills in the sunshine (these being some of my fondest memories) sneakily eating strawberries along the way as we overfilled our baskets but I also recall the sick bag that inevitably featured when we’d overdone it, in the car on the way home. It was usual to go off a food if I’d suffered as a result of consuming it but it never lasted very long so I didn’t think this explained why I hated strawberries so much. That is, until I suddenly found them palatable again and examined what had changed.

I’d hit a stage in my recovery where I was actively healing the wounds that had left me so isolated and started naming the cover ups that had ensured my descent into mental instability. You lie about who you are long enough, you either buy into it or you suffer a breakdown, the latter being my destiny. Naming my own faults and vowing to rid myself of false virtues I’d picked up like fleas and having the opportunity to reconnect and share and lean on others, I felt safe enough to delve into memories that were too painful to bear, up until now, because I was remembering who I was before the labels slapped on me damaged my sense of self. I know in my heart that my dislike of strawberries came from an event that was cruel and played on my bonds with my loved ones. I know that as a small child it probably felt like dying and I made this association with the nearest thing to hand. All organic things smell a little bit rotten when they’re at the riper end of their shelf life, mangoes for example, but I can’t get enough of them because I’ve only ever had good connections, like my mum lovingly handfeeding them to us with the sun beating down outside, refuelling her brood with good energy. Food is very much connected to our interpersonal bridge with our parents and early hardwiring can affect us for the rest of our lives unless we work intensely to strip it back and start again.

My dad dying a few years ago coupled with the opening of sealed doors in my mind changed something in my perception of strawberries. They’re really actually rather good. I don’t need to know exactly what it was that created this barrier in my baby brain but I’m choked that I can do something about it if I stick with it long enough. Our dad favoured my twin and strawberries were her thing I guess? Perhaps with his passing I can have them too? He snatched food out of my hands on a number of occasions, laughed at my distress. I can’t help feeling this is connected.

The other tiny miracle that just kinda randomly occurred to me, I can suddenly do percentages in my head without panicking at my complete inability to do anything with numbers, save basic arithmetic. Aged 10 I was coached for the 11+ and the times table was drummed into our heads by our father who resorted to violence if we stuttered. I was actually in the top set of maths all the way through high school until aged 15 I ran away from home. When I returned after a few months, because the school in London was so awful, my previously motivated and interesting maths teacher had had a complete personality change and was suddenly a bit of a dick. He’d been off sick with shingles in my absence and came back completely disinterested in his students. It must have really knocked my confidence because I became convinced I was bad with numbers and didn’t care because I was obviously more creative anyway.

I think I’ve proved to myself since my breakdown that I am capable, and remembering the past, how I was brimming with self esteem aged 12, which was the last time I remember feeling sure of anything, has reminded me who I am at my core: someone who stands up in the face of injustice to my own detriment because the alternative is unacceptable. I feel personally responsible for the world we find ourselves in, for all the years I toed the line and enabled coercive power, all in the hopes for a seat at the table. Coming to terms with a world that doesn’t reward talent or integrity and actively sets out to destroy it, that has been healing I guess? Resolving the past and coming to terms with my elders exactly as they are not as I would have them, has unlocked parts of my personality I’d long buried, to appease the green eyed patriarchy and minimise myself so I was never a threat to anyone which ultimately bit me in the butt when I was that much easier to victimise.

Learning that it is possible to change instilled behaviours, all it takes is a couple of weeks to lay down new pathways, making the past the road less well travelled every time you do things in your new way, has been liberating. Others might still judge me for the person I was aged 25 but that’s because they’re incapable of changing themselves. They judge others as they would judge their selves.

I’m excited to see what other things become available to me on my recovery journey.

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Joshua Moon and Kiwi Farms implicated in promotion of NZ terrorist

Kiwi Farms have been linked to the New Zealand mosque terrorist; both Brenton Tarrant and Josh Moon frequented 8chan before Moon was essentially pushed out for having extreme views and interests even the other nazis couldn’t stomach, like paedophilia. In light of this information New Zealand and Australian authorities had requested Tarrant’s data from Kiwi Farms host Moon, who decided he would still broadcast the footage of the massacre despite it carrying a lengthy prison sentence in most countries. Even facebook, that great enabler of white supremacist fake news took down the 1.5 million copies made by users in the first 24 hours but Josh has other ideas.

Such is the entitlement and narcissism of Joshua Conner Moon, this was the reply he sent to New Zealand Detective Senior Sergeant John Michael.

narcjosh

Imagine making yourself an enemy of an entire country. This is the real face of Joshua Moon, an incel who has been hounding people on the internet for more than 5 years, who’s somehow evaded justice even though he is implicated in at least 2 mass shootings (not including NZ) and four suicides (of vulnerable people targeted for their protected characteristics). I have personally been on the receiving end of this harassment and bullying since 2013, when these freaks were still claiming to be protecting video games from girls and despite my protests that I couldn’t give a stuff about gaming, the abuse was relentless. It has left me housebound and afraid, as if my existing mental and physical disabilities weren’t difficult enough. I almost gave up a few times but I wouldn’t let them have that satisfaction.

I pleaded with journalists and politicians alike and was largely dismissed and silenced because acknowledging white supremacy would have legitimised my activism. Now we have multiple mass shootings and a crisis that could have so easily have been avoided had the mainstream media and the right-wing government heard our pleas instead of punishing us. They said we were entitled attention seekers but we suffered the most. At times it has felt like they’re working together, and I’m still not convinced that they’re not. Lives have been lost and many more ruined, their victims are countless.

For those of us who were able to reach out and connect, to do something, anything, to make these monsters accountable, we smoked them out where we could and identified them (work that should have been done by authorities) and doxxed them the way we had been doxxed. There were pleas from the usual liberals to consider our actions and how two wrongs don’t make a right but when it comes down to it, no one did a single useful thing to help us. Without the power to do anything else, we did what we could to claw back some control over our own lives. For example, in the UK we have the joint enterprise law that could see British users of Kiwi Farms charged with being complicit in a crime even if they did not personally commit it, but if they could have prevented it or indeed if they encouraged it, they can be handed a sentence equivalent to that of actually doing the crime. These ideas have been floating around for a while now but progress has been slow. We can only discuss it, the authorities have the power to act.

I thought to myself, something really deeply horrendously wrong has to happen for this to get the attention it deserves, to take Kiwi Farms and associated forums like Baphomet, Encyclopaedia Dramatica, lolcow etc etc off the internet using guidelines from the UN guide on prevention of genocide, if local laws fall short. There was the shooting in New Mexico but nothing happened even though two victims lost their lives. The attempted mass shooting in Canada didn’t get the attention it deserved either. The self-immolation of Chloe Sagal who felt she had no other choice but to kill herself in protest. The other suicides we know about and the ones we don’t. Now New Zealand has the world’s spotlight on it, Australia too, for birthing the terrorist who took 50 lives, some of them children. There are Kiwi Farm members in New Zealand. In Australia, Canada, the US, UK and across Europe. One report suggests the UK has 5 of the top 10 white supremacist extremist sites based here.

There weren’t too many of them back in 2013, that was the impression I got but platforms like facebook and twitter let them connect. We were suspended and banned for fighting back but they’re still on there. Tech giants have a lot to answer for.

Please do something before they do it again.

_______________________________________

This is the latest dossier on Joshua Conner Moon and Kiwi Farms cyberbullies:

https://pastebin.com/w2XmXVyk

https://archive.fo/N2rvu

https://www.pastefs.com/pid/102480

https://archive.fo/QRHtd

https://paste2.org/nb4E5teP

https://archive.fo/msgSn

https://slexy.org/view/s20gtJof2H

https://archive.fo/Bmf6r

https://paste.ubuntu.com/p/RgSX589Xfh/

https://archive.fo/OURfs

https://paste.sh/XS5HgMDe#BGUnefq2MAE2QQmfaPzzuJo5

https://archive.fo/q37M8

Condemn the Racist Guardian and FB Friends

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In the wake of the New Zealand mosque attack a narrative is emerging that perhaps seeks to minimise the causes for these acts of terror. Facebook has taken down 1.5 million copies of the video clip filmed by the white supremacist terrorist as he slaughtered his victims. The Guardian suggests it is “highlighting the enormous challenge involved in keeping violent and offensive material off social networks”. Funny, I was banned for calling someone a rat on Twitter, I’d had previous suspensions for telling someone to eat his own weiner in retaliation to racist and sexist threats and with regards to fb in particular, I closed my account when I’d had enough of the racist threats to rape me, which fb said did not violate its apparently nonexistent standards.

raborg (2)

This didn’t happen in a vacuum, white supremacists didn’t one day decide to say and do all the things they’ve been legalled banned from doing so since 1965 with the Race Relations Act (the act banned racial discrimination in public places and made the promotion of hatred on the grounds of ‘colour, race, or ethnic or national origins’ an offence); this was a long process of normalisation, of proliferation via social media. It was a miscarriage of justice enabled by the institutionally racist police force and crown prosecution service. Freedom of speech doesn’t extend to protected groups, suspensions disproportionately affected minorities. These attitudes were confirmed in national newspapers with even ‘left wing’ columnists claiming silencing and oppression for having bigoted views.

suzanne moore

They enabled violent hate speech by claiming it was not islamophobic or transphobic to spout their privileged propaganda. Where is the inquiry into the causes for this breakdown in humanity? Perhaps the very same white supremacists who created this crisis are still in control of the reins and are steering it towards their original objective, white supremacy, self assured in their limitless power?

silencing

Every time we see a white supremacist terrorist in the news they fit the type; worthless useless antonym of supreme kills people for kicks and white people everywhere claim a victory for white dominance. This clash of civilisations was a misnomer, there is no clash of equal strengths, they’re not crashing together like cymbals, it is a death match heavily weighted towards an historical oppressor. It should have been called the White Supremacist Superbug, its resistance to progression and social justice hypothesised as the catalyst for genocide the globe over.

These have-a-go-at-homicide nobodies would stop if one of their leaders went down for their part in the normalisation phase. Indict Mark Zuckerberg for crimes against humanity. Milo Yanofuckface should face charges not just a suspension from travel to Australia, for his comments following the massacre. Tumblr, for eg, has just taken down all its porn posts, essentially losing 1/5 of its user base yet Twitter and FB are hesitant to do the same with Nazis. It is for this reason alone silicon valley bosses have been slow to react to hatred and bigotry; white supremacy is big bucks, whether off the back of a terrorist slaughter or a good old fashioned war, these greedy pigs chose to line their own pockets over tolerance and humanity. Personally I don’t have a problem with porn but Nazis can die in a fire. I’d hazard a guess porn is a bigger money spinner than racist hate but no one wants to have sex with Nazis. 

We antifascists have been begging and pleading with those in power to give this issue the attention it deserves since at least 2012 and look at where we are now. We are still being silenced, still being oppressed and the architects of this injustice (and I include the Guardian in this for their platforming of bigots such as Suzanne Moore, Grace Dent and Julie Bindel to name a few) are revising the facts so that fb deserves sympathy as opposed to our wrath. The problem is the journalists, the tech geeks, the politicians, they all went to the same schools and hit up the same coke dealer for that good Columbian shit and this status matters more to them then scores of dead Muslims. They have more in common with each other than the rest of humanity. We should be joining the dots between the main offenders and figuring out who went to school with who, and who is in possession of whose dirty secret, so that we might get a handle on this shit show once and for all.

grace dent

(Happy Shamima Begum’s baby died after all, I bet)

Knife Crime is a Symptom of the Hostile Environment™

The rise in knife crime across the UK is baffling only to those who never consider the impact of their actions on others. Perhaps those who find it incomprehensible are lying, they know exactly why, they just don’t care. The government has promoted an hostile environment, it is of their creation, the current crisis.

Our young people are growing up in a society that has actively encouraged division and sowed discord where they could have fostered tolerance and understanding quite easily. I know, because that was my childhood in the 90s, a multicultural melting pot where brown and black people were rooted in British culture and Britain absorbed the best of ours too. It was some kind of rose tinted utopia pre 9/11, when laws protected us and racists were afraid. There was a clear sense of right and wrong. No blurred lines on racial slurs and racist propaganda. It’s not that racism didn’t exist (which it always will) just that measures against hate were enforced by the system somewhat. Slurs were asterisked in print for example. ‘Accidental’ racists were shunned not excused. The BBC exposed the institutionally racist police force, ffs.

The Bobo doll experiments in the 1960s demonstrated that children learn by observing adult behaviour. 60 years of knowledge we have so far failed to implement in the running of our societies. Kids today are witnessing hatred and bigotry on mainstream news channels from mainstream politicians. They’re being told their differences make them a target. Safe spaces are denigrated, we’re special snowflakes for insisting on them and toxic patriarchy is all about ‘real men’ who don’t carry babies in papooses. There is no end to the constant violence and posturing, grown adults are upping the ante everywhere, no compromise, no resolution, just a burgeoning threat that is overwhelming our children’s senses, affecting their ability to cope, leading to poor impulse control, because they’re frightened and have not yet learnt to channel that appropriately. Grown adults in the government are actively targeting children in their policies; so many plunged into poverty this past decade, so many denied an opportunity to learn, their days passing by in a blur of boredom and fear. Is it any wonder they’re dying?

Sajid Javid said we should treat knife crime like a disease when it is just a symptom of another kind of affliction, that is, social cleansing implemented by his government. It can be treated. Their hostile environment has seeped through to the children who will suffer most as a result of Tory policies, long after the monsters are gone. As a child born under Thatcher I know only too well. That brief period in the 90s when we had positive black and brown role models on TV on all of the terrestrial channels, when shows like Goodness Gracious Me clapped back at the white population and it was received in good humour, when we actually believed that hard work and motivation was all you needed to succeed, we felt we had a place in this world and only time would reveal our fortunes. Children these days have no hope, that’s the message they’re bombarded with, that the planet is dying but experts are no good. They’re going to school to learn but they’re being told learning is worthless. There’s no guarantee of a job, or a life. They matter to no one. They’re injured by these feelings and they react.

This tyrannical government must be removed from power and held to account for the many thousands of British citizens who’ve died under this administration, by any means necessary. Fuck calling the army in, oust the unelected tyrant and choose community. End austerity and replenish local services. Bring back the education maintenance allowance and cut extortionate uni fees. Invest in our young people, they are tasked with rescuing the planet and what remains of our humanity. One day they’ll have to look after us.

Nazi sympathisers on Mumsnet?

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When I first started this blog I affiliated myself with the Mumsnet brand and even had a couple of posts selected to feature on their forum, driving the sort of traffic to my work that I wouldn’t have managed by myself in the early days. I thought it was a reputable front dealing with the sorts of issues I was interested in. Then came the feminist wars when intersectionality finally broke through to the mainstream and white cis middle class feminists were sidelined for the first time in over a century. There were black feminists, trans feminists, sex workers and many other shades and persuasions standing up and demanding their dues. White feminism doubled down. They had no time for our oppressions and claimed our pleas for liberation were oppressing them (and the mainstream media backed them up).

Mumsnet prides itself on being a forum for all women, but it didn’t escape anyone’s attention when a large number of their users used this as an excuse to platform anti trans bigotry under the guise of womanly empowerment. I distanced myself from their brand, and questioned their practices publicly. I fell out of favour with most of the white middle class cisters and this was fine with me. I had never felt the requisite bile towards my trans sisters in order to qualify as a ‘real woman’ with important opinions. No, being a handmaiden of the patriarchy, it was easy enough to silence me. ALL women they said, but only if you toe the feminist party line.
 

(Robert Webb is a fine icon for feminist Mumsnetters even though he is a prize bigot and thinks rape jokes are hilarious)

screenshot_20190122-184514_samsung internet

It boggles me that Mumsnet would allow their users to link to nazi hate site Kiwi Farms when they are mums, apparently, with dear children to protect. Nazi forum Kiwi Farms is concomitant with paedosadism, rapists who’ve expressed a desire to harm women and children. Here, a bunch of them discuss raping me.

incel threat

‘Be a real man’ it says. I suppose the ‘real women’ of Mumsnet have no objection to sexual violence if it is targeting unsavoury types they don’t like.

But this isn’t the first time I’m making a connection between Mumsnet and Kiwi Farms. A short while ago Gnasher Jew linked to Kiwi Farms in an attempt to dox me. One of my attackers likened Mumsnet to Kiwi Farms.

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When she says brutal does she mean rapists? Does she mean nazi incels who’ve goaded vulnerable adults to suicide and even been linked to a fatal school shooting? Did Mumsnetters, like Kiwi Farms, hound Jo Cox’s widower after she was murdered by a nazi? Do they routinely out LGBTQ people in countries where they can be put to death? These are a few of the things Kiwi Farms have done. 

Of course when you try to demand accountability for these worrying links, everyone’s favourite feminist cis male comes galloping to the rescue.

screenshot_20190122-184643_samsung internet

To clarify for our Graham, Mumsnet is enabling nazi site Kiwi Farms by linking to their content and legitimising it. They may or may not be a hate site, depending on your perspective. ‘Gender activists don’t go after Kiwi Farms’.. I know who is and isn’t going after Kiwi Farms. ‘Gender activists’ have been amongst the bravest and most committed in this battle, because they are targets (in this respect they are the same, Kiwi Farms and Mumsnet). Graham hasn’t done a helluva lot, if anything he has allowed for bigoted abuse of minorities to go unchallenged. He could have, with his massive platform, given this issue the attention it needs years ago but he didn’t, because his enemy’s enemies etc.

glinner

*looks to camera*

This dudebro with his 100s of 1000s of followers is snarking at people with a much smaller reach, suggesting they are to blame for some conspiracy theory cover up in a plot to attack white cis women. So the people who are being victimised by Kiwi Farms have a kind of Stockholm Syndrome and have allied with their abusers just so they can slander Mumsnet? Can someone please change his Twitter password? Take him for a walk, go feed the ducks or something?

This revisionism won’t do any of us any favours. Now that Kiwi Farms is being thrown about in everyday parlance, perhaps someone will do something tangible about it? No excuses now Glinner, you’ve made a point, what are you going to do about it?

‘Gender activists’ and even cis women like me have been systematically targeted, silenced, covered up and erased for as long as rich cis white Glinner and pals have cried oppression at our hands (since 2013). Meanwhile we’ve been housebound, medicated, just trying to stay alive. Too many have already succumbed. Don’t let Glinner’s bigoted ignorance and wilfully obtuse meanderings fool you, he knows exactly what he’s doing. He’s very much a part of the white cishet supremacy that has enabled full-blown nazism today.

 

Thank you Stream.me

A humongous thanks to Stream.me for taking our concerns seriously and banning Joshua Conner Moon from their platform. Their terms specify they will not tolerate the use of hate speech so it was fairly straightforward making it work.

His channel stream.me/kiwifarms was important to him as he obtained revenues from it and Josh is appealing. Let’s make sure he doesn’t get anywhere by thanking Stream.me for their prompt and courteous service and reminding them of what Joshua Conner Moon and kiwi farms are capable of:

support@stream.me

Together we can shut him up for good.

Solidarity ✊🏼

Stream.me and BitChute cannot ignore us

Patreon have now banned Joshua Conner Moon (as you can see here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nk9bEhPQBEA) and his Kiwi Farms forum from using their platform to fund hate and violence, cyber-bullying vulnerable people and goading them to suicide.

Even Hatreon, which allowed funding for white supremacist hate groups, found Kiwi Farms too vile to allow on its website. PayPal, Uphold, Mastercard, and Visa banned Kiwi Farms from using their services for donations. Google banned Kiwi Farms from using its banner ads service. RedBubble banned Kiwi Farms from selling merchandise on the RedBubble website. Bitcoin mining syndicates banned Kiwi Farms from using their services to raise money.

YouTube is allowing Moon a platform despite the many reports we have filed. Why is YouTube so hesitant to take appropriate action? I reported another Kiwi Farms user, Jason Pullara, for making a an hour long video about me in which he discusses using an angle grinder in my vagina. No response from YouTube as yet.

Stream.me and BitChute have not responded at all.

This is the CEO of BitChute, Ray Vahey.

Ask him why he is allowing neo nazi white supremacist Joshua Conner Moon and his motley crew of rapists and paedophiles to use his platform for the purpose of white supremacist violence and bullying. Ask him why he would choose to ignore Kiwi Farms’ links to school shooter/terrorist murderer William Aitchison and their ‘kill count’, celebrating the deaths of those who’ve been pushed to suicide by their hateful actions.

Stream.me is dependent on PayPal which bans use of its services to promote hate speech. Paypal have previously taken a firm stance on this issue, something Stream.me should consider.

Here are some of Stream.me’s employees.

Ask them whether they are happy to work for an organisation that facilitates gendered and racialised abuse of vulnerable adults. Ask them whether they are happy to promote child sex abusers and bigots.

We live in times where we cannot afford to ignore hate. People have been killed and many more will die if we do not stand up and say we will not stand for this barbaric behaviour. Joshua Conner Moon and Kiwi Farms have expressed intent to wound and kill many women and children. They have described in detail the depraved acts they fantasise about. They have no place in a civilised society.

Industry giants exist because we put them there. We can take them down too.