Race Relations

The P Word is racist and everyone knows it

Apparently somebody* repeatedly said the word paki on BBC Question Time last night and no one smacked her in the mouth or booted her off set. Of course what we (visibly Paki people) needed was for this to become a ‘debate’ in which white people talk over us and for us, in the manner to which they are accustomed.


Dave asks why it’s ok to say Brit and not Paki. Let’s see now Dave, did anyone ever call you a dirty Brit whilst stomping on your head? Did they ever use Brit as a prefix for the corner shop, or is it just a shop, as it is to the rest of us who do not speak in racialised terms? Is Brit a perjorative term for all White Europeans? Does it have a history steeped in racist divide and conquer? See, if there was a swastika with the word Brit next to it, it would mean something completely different to the same image with the P word.


The word Pakistan is an acronym for Punjab, Afghan, Kashmir, Indus and Sind. Stan means ‘land’. Many native Pakistanis believe it has another meaning, pak means pure, put together it becomes the land of the pure. Native Pakistanis aren’t as bothered by ‘paki’ because they haven’t had to live under the beady eye of fascistic white Britain, nor have they learnt to associate it with actual physical violence and marginalisation. Pakistanis never had the power to self determination though, not as the losers of the British empire. They have been subjugated by the west since ‘independence’, and their neighbours, with whom the conflict still rages on.

Paki reminds me of another term bastardised by white supremacist colonialists that affects me personally. If you’ve ever seen a Carry On film you’ve heard the term ‘khazi’, meaning toilet. In Pakistan there is a caste system of sorts though it is doesn’t carry as much weight or power as the Hindu one. If anything it is a legacy from a time when Hindus and Muslims lived together and adopted each others traditions. My paternal grandfather’s caste was Khazi. This meant that he was a scholar, a judge, an authority. It was only in my 30s, many years after I’d heard the label being misused so offensively that I learned my Mughal ancestors had changed their names to escape the genocide British soldiers had planned for them, forced into the mountains to escape the slaughter. They adopted the name Khazi instead of Mughal, a demotion but crucial if they were to survive. The British Army adopted the term no doubt to express their delight at taking a shit on us from a great height. This is what the British empire means to anyone not invested in its bloody violence and coercion, demoralising and degrading, brutish humiliation that has ensured generations of Pakistanis cannot hold their heads up high.


Paki, like khazi, and the N word and every other label thrown about by white supremacists to abuse others are rooted in domination and toxic masculinity. These labels have been used quite successfully to disempower and traumatise the people they are inflicted on. One word has the power to split open centuries old wounds encoded in our very DNA. Autoimmune conditions such as lupus affect people who come from nations colonised by white supremacists. It is as though the body is under such a sustained attack that it turns on itself, desperate to find the thing that is wrong and make it better. Every time a white person spits out the P word, we experience a spike in adrenalin, a fight or flight response and every last white person knows this. They KNOW IT. Raised cortisol levels eventually take their toll. People from African and Asian communities have been admonished for their health issues, being so many more times likely to suffer from heart disease and diabetes, it has been suggested we simply do not know how to look after ourselves YET racism as a cause for mental and physical disability has not been researched enough.

Next time a white person ‘debates’ their right to use racial slurs, just call them a gammon. A salty, fatty gammon with a sizeable rind. It hurts them to be associated with such a poor cut, I’m sure many of them would rather be labelled bacon but lardon might be pushing it. They have the right to play devil’s advocate, we reserve the right to compare them to their favourite cold cuts. Don’t let them derail you with claims of classism, if they would rather identify with a bresaola, let them have it. It’s all pig.

It’s no longer a time for appeasement, where we roll with the punches and earnestly seek to educate the ignorant masses on how we are all equals in God’s eyes, no, it’s time to give as good as you get. Get creative, be a petty tit for tat queen.

*The person in question was Sikh and referring to herself being abused with the p word but the point still stands, what are the BBC doing broadcasting it from anyone’s mouth? Why isn’t it being challenged? BBC question time seems to push the boundaries back when it comes to the normalisation of racial slurs and polarisation of political views. It’s interesting that they let a Sikh person express their distress at being labelled with this slur and not a Pakistani, because there are Sikhs and Hindus who are desperate to set themselves apart from ‘true pakis’ because they have rejected us and still cannot appreciate we look exactly the same to whites.

I found it interesting to see Shappi Khorsandi so affected by it because she’s not even south Asian. This awful word is used to control an entire continent but don’t forget the Arabs, and the Brazilians, and even some southern Europeans. It is a deeply racist word associated with that beige-y brown skin tone and shouldn’t be spoken on national television. Shame on the BBC. Stop paying your tv license.

**What is the BBC playing at, broadcasting a racial slur when they fired Tommy Sandhu for racism against ‘pakis’?

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Bulgaria 1 – 0 England

I’ve been keeping an eye on the news regarding the investigation of racist Bulgarian football fans and how it has progressed quite swiftly compared to other areas of public life. In the past I have asked why the FA hasn’t done more to combat racism and judged fans for wanting to be part of something that is so tolerant of racist abuse, in particular the way John Terry was found not guilty of a racist offence even though he admitted saying “black fucking bastard”, among other things. The FA still chose to remove his captaincy, which suggests they took a harsher view than the courts but then the England manager Fabio Capello resigned in protest so it was all a bit of a confusing mess.


If it sounds as though I care about football, I don’t. Can’t stand it, can’t stand the hype and the way fans express themselves, or the fact that domestic abuse peaks when there’s a big match on. The entire culture breeds toxic masculinity, and it has always been my experience; whenever I’ve unwittingly walked into a train full of pissed up louts egging each other on to be even more obnoxious, I am renewed in my hatred for the shit show. I detest its power and how mired it is in capitalism, but that’s a grumble for another day. I have never been a football fan and I am proud of this.

Over the past week however, I have watched in awe at every little twist and turn in this saga, from the moment the match was halted to the statement given by the Bulgarian captain in which he expressed his embarrassment, and the resignations, notably the Bulgarian football chief Borislav Mihaylov who had dismissed England’s concerns over racist fans prior to the match as being “groundless” and “offensive” (as many of our own card carrying fascists have done this past decade). Following the match the Bulgarian prime minister called for his resignation and he obliged only days later. Compare the way this has been handled, not only in the football associations but as a nation, from the politicians to the men on the pitch and how woefully short Britain falls of this example. It’s a bit rich of England bosses to express concerns over racist Bulgarian fans whilst the entire nation waits with baited breath to learn of our post Brexit fates. It’s a stretch to position English fans and players as an authority on racism and to make demands of other nations to comply with a set of standards we struggle to achieve ourselves, in any section of society on rainy fascist island. Hypocrisy is something we excel at here.


I surprised myself with my reactions to the rolling news, at first I was understandably outraged and then resigned to this shitehole of a world but then the Bulgarian authorities responded in a way I had not anticipated. I can’t remember the last time a public figure was made to suffer consequences for their bigotry. Consider the apologism meted out in defence of Alan Sugar or Jeremy Clarkson. The numerous examples of serving members of parliament using actual racial slurs only to be excused for their ignorance because they “didn’t mean it in that way” never mind the piccaninnies, watermelon smiles and hijabs as letterboxes jibes from our current prime minister.

Never forget the torture inflicted on the very people who built this country up when it was on its knees following the war. They were always British citizens, descended from a British colony they were forced on to as slaves against their will, of course they didn’t need the paperwork to prove they belonged here. Their children, born on British soil, registered with British birth certificates couldn’t prove they had leave to remain either. So many deported to their deaths, because they were British not Jamaican and easily picked out in a crowd as a soft touch, presumed to be worth something hailing from Britain, mugged for the shirts on their backs, murdered in the scuffle. A Windrush child – a man easily in his 50s but possibly much older – told me recently so many of them had been disappeared, and who could begin to bring about justice for them? He said he was leaving it to his sister to apply for compensation, he couldn’t face it himself. Why isn’t Theresa May and the rest of her murdering cabinet rotting in their cells at The Hague? Why has the British media and government been allowed to construct a narrative that denies the daily racism visible minorities have to navigate as par the course, instead choosing to focus on the prejudice faced by one minority group, dominated by rich and privileged Europeans who claim black and brown people are being racist to them (and that’s why socialism is a bad idea)? You never see black and brown Jews in the mainstream media, why is that? Cos they exist, and need support too.

Football can do all it wants to stamp our racism in its ranks but it’s pointless if the rest of society resists. British football, British politics, British media should lead by example instead of waving fingers and micro-managing other nations. I would insert a quote here about being the change you wish to see in the world but it sprang from the mouth of a racist (be wary of minorities lauded by The West, there’s always a fucked up back story).

I have revised my demands of football; it can only exclude racists from matches but can’t really change the world, not when it hasn’t changed from within.

Sneaky Fascism is The Worst

On a walk recently with my dog I walked past some graffiti that made me stop and look back, because I felt like it had negative connotations, even though I could not remember exactly what. I took a picture and spent hours trawling through google, sending it to my friends, some of them seasoned anti-fascists. Nobody could place it and some even suggested it might be just a tag. I eventually found its origins and felt sick at what I discovered.


This symbol represents Wolfsangel SS, a division of the SS and it depicts a wolf trap. It was used by the Nazis in world war 2. It is not so easily recognised as the swastika and this is a tactic used by cowardly Nazis, to pick something so obscure so only they know its true meaning, whilst they operate in plain site.


On my next visit to the park I showed the image to as many dog walkers as I could, to inform them of its sinister roots. One person said they had no idea that it was so scary, they’d assumed it was just a 4 attached to a 7, and they’d seen it dotted around all over the area. I advised they carry a marker or similar with them on their visits, to cover it up and they agreed.


I was at the park again today, telling another regular about it when they asked me if I’d seen the news about the gun discovered in our park. Apparently it was a Luger, a German weapon used by the ‘German Empire’.. like, what the actual fuck. To make matters worse, it was loaded. A member of our community reported it. The West Midlands Police report seems to tie it in with regular gun crime, not far right white supremacist extremism, which leads me to question whether they’re being wilfully obtuse (they’re not exactly a shining example of race relations in the community) or just dense, having not connected the dots between Nazi paraphernalia and their apparent presence in the area.


I thought it would be enough to cover their symbols up in passive resistance but I’m not so sure now. We need an antifascist front actively manning the park and surrounding areas, an organised resistance, an antifa neighbourhood watch. The park lies on an area of land that is bordered by racially segregated communities, but also divided by class. On one side there is the white working class, or as locals call it ‘the co-op end’, on another, a fairly affluent white middle class, but there is also the ethnic side, Muslims, South Asians, Arabs and Irish.. if there were ever a race war, it would be quick and bloody, with little chance for escape.


I would like to ask all anti-fascists (or people opposed to fascism) to renew their local links and make themselves a force to be reckoned with. Nazis only bluster about for as long as we let them, they’re mostly cowards at heart who take their cues from fascists in the state and media, which is why they were silent for the most part during my childhood. I was born and raised here and asides from the NF making themselves a nuisance during the 80s, I was blissfully unaware of the contempt a significant number of white people have for other ethnicities in this country.


If things are this bleak in an area known for its progressive culture and community I dread to think what it must be like in the scarier parts of town. It makes me want to leave the house even less than I already do. We have to make ourselves safe, we cannot rely on the authorities or they’d have nipped the nazi problem in the bud when it was still masquerading as ethics in gaming.

What did the Muslims ever do for us?

In the course of human history empires are a relatively new phenomenon, spanning only the last 3000 years or so. From the ancients to modern day Britain, empires are born out of violence and domination, spurred on by greedy men with a desire to rule over the earth and all its inhabitants. Empires control resources and dictate cultures. It is for this reason we must acknowledge all empires, for the duration of their rule, if we are to gain an accurate assessment of human development, in the interests of provenance and posterity.


Take the Moors for example. Neglected in the history books for the most part, owing to the Europeans penning said tomes, their contribution to humanity has been effectively erased or minimised because it stands in direct contradiction to the white supremacist’s creed; that savages were to be civilised from the depths of their spiritual ignorance. They burned books, and monuments of cultural significance, much like Isis did in Palmyra, to the shock and dismay of enlightened Europeans who condemned this destruction of world heritage. I wonder whether the world had reacted to similarly to the barbarism of the conquistadors, or if it had in fact reveled in the bloodshed, as it does today whenever there is a terrorist attack committed against Muslims. I imagine they came out with the same excuses then as they did now “Europe for Europeans!” regardless of the rivers of blood trailing down from the bodies of innocents whose only crime was to pray to the one true God via their own cultural lens. The genocide of the Moors was as much about the colour of their skin, if not more, than it was about a Christian God, as we can see in the blackface festivals celebrated by prevaricating bigots from Spain and Britain to the Netherlands.

 The reins of their (Moors) horses were as fire, their faces black as pitch, their eyes shone like burning candles, their horses were swift as leopards and the riders fiercer than a wolf in a sheepfold at night . . . The noble Goths [the German rulers of Spain to whom Roderick belonged] were broken in an hour, quicker than tongue can tell. Oh luckless Spain!

Quoted in Edward Scobie, The Moors and Portugal’s Global Expansion, in Golden Age of the Moor, ed Ivan Van Sertima, US, Transaction Publishers, 1992, p.336

Sure, the Moors were probably a frightening spectacle when they invaded Spain in the 8th century but as is the way of empires, wealth and security leads to knowledge, and peace, and eventually empathetic non violence. Empires reach their end when the leaders peak in terms of civility, unprepared for savage invading forces, unable to defend themselves against the onslaught of rabid violence. Perhaps this is why Britain can never just sit back and relax, always pre-emptively asserting itself with made up wars.

The world has chosen to focus on the demise of the Moors as a natural conclusion to the decree ordained by the lord almighty. They had provoked God’s wrath with their salacious ways and fallen out of favour. It is this notion that has sustained the skewed version of history from both sides of the conflict. Europe has effectively slut shamed Muslims into submission who cannot respond with a clear conscience because they bought into the propaganda (having suffered such a humiliating defeat) and now conduct themselves with the same terror inspiring zeal of medieval Christian soliders, whom God allegedly favoured, to appease Him.

Without the Moors, there would be no ‘Spanish’ guitar (guitarra morisca). This is what we mean by appropriation; the Moors are not celebrated like the British or Romans or Greeks, despite their many contributions in the advancement of humanity, they have been denied their historical dues by usurping Europeans who took all the credit. Moors pioneered many medical treatments, identifying hemophilia as a condition, inventing anesthesia for the purpose of surgery, and treating hydrocephalus for example. Groundbreaking and lifesaving methods such as how to perform a ligature were first documented in Al Andalus.

The Moors invented watches, a fact all Europeans should remember when they tell the time, especially given they also invented the first sundial to show time in equal measures where previous models varied according to the seasons. Where would we be without this vital innovation? If the Moors had never existed newspapers/books might never have been a thing. They invented a printing device 100 years prior to the ‘invention’ of the printing press. Ibn Firnas invented the metronome in the 9th century, during a time the Europeans referred to as ‘the dark ages’. Where would the human race be without any of these black and brown Muslim visionaries, for whom the dark ages meant a golden age?

My own ancestors, the Mughals, were a creative trailblazing peoples I am determined to resurrect. The first sugar rolling mills appeared during the Mughal empire. They invented the first hookah or water pipe, for the purpose of smoking tobacco. According to Wikipedia modern metallurgists “thought it was technically impossible to produce metal globes without any seams” until they were rediscovered in the 1980s, 20 or so seamless celestial globes created during the Mughal empire. I learned very recently that my ancestors had built Lahore fort and Badshahi mosque, not forgetting the Taj Mahal. Ah, that universal symbol of devotion, a wonder of the world, steeped in Mughal history yet neglected for that very fact, denied the care and attention that should be afforded to a world heritage site. India hates Muslims, it is quick to condemn and even kill them, for eating beef, among other things and stripping citizenship from millions yet it reaps the world’s praises for the creation of something it had nothing to do with. The Indian government has let it rot. The Taj Mahal is a painful reminder of the erasure and appropriation of Muslim ingenuity, pinned together by enemies of enemies, whose party line is a collective resistance to the creeping shariah of Islam, despite their own grievances and in-fighting. These relics are stripped of their roots, co-opted by coercive powers and serve as a reminder of how we (Muslims) have been subjugated.

I’ve never liked being a part of a group, I can only be myself one to one. I think group behaviour is terrifying. When groups of likeminded people band together, it no longer matters whether something is right or wrong, the majority has the power to claim up is down. I’ve seen adulterous affairs justified in this way, and sex abuse cover ups. I’ve been groomed in this way, isolated, misrepresented, because I wouldn’t toe the party line. A similar malfeasance has been inflicted on Muslims.

In my almost 40 years of experience on this earth I have learnt the difference between what they say and what they really mean. Christians invading India were shocked at the inhumane practice of sati committed by fanatical Hindus, whereupon the female spouse jumps, or is thrown, onto the funeral pyre, because she cannot exist without her husband. They condemned them as idolaters and savages and appealed to Muslim Indians as they (rightly) believed in the one true God. To the Hindus they condemned the Mughals as occupiers and destroyers of Hindustan, a country for Hindus. In this way they divided and conquered and continue to do so to this very day. Far right Hindutva and their mascot Modi brutalise millions in their quest for a Hindu state, supported by western nations who look the other way when Muslims are being slaughtered, see also the Rohingya in Burma being summarily executed by Buddhist monks (ffs) for an example of one modern day atrocity. Religion of peace they scoff, when mocking Muslims yet Buddhists extinguishing life in cruel and unusual ways has escaped everyone’s attentions. See the Israel/Palestine conflict for another example of white supremacist divide and conquer, effectively polarising Muslims and Jews who have historically fought together against the scourge of Christianity (see Moorish Spain).

Tyrants all over the world look to the British empire for inspiration. Hitler himself was an admirer of the British rule in India, it was what prompted him to enact his own genocide. The holocaust is widely taught and accepted for the most part, because the teachers are white supremacists who exemplify divide and conquer of ‘minorities’ and use it as a tool to silence other ethnic groups. When an African person speaks of King Leopold and his slaughter of 10 million Congolese and questions why this isn’t taught in schools like the holocaust is, they are not denying Jewish history or cheapening it by comparing it (as I was once accused when I warned that current events were a catalyst to holocaust levels of genocide) they are appealing for consistency. When I highlighted the similarities between the targeting of Jews in Germany and modern day Muslims in Britain I was chastised for daring to compare. 11 million Indians were starved to death by Churchill who redirected grain to British forces during the war. Was this not a holocaust too? Not when the history book writers are white, evidently.

In a world where white supremacy holds all the power and writes the narratives, a maleficence of biblical proportions has been committed against believers of the one true God. Christians have employed idolaters to act as their proxies, to protect their global interests, and will shun them when they are no longer effective. Historical allies have been pitted against one another and the flames are fanned periodically to ensure their estrangement. Muslims are caricaturised as uncivilised, barbaric, wanton in their misogyny and to be fair, many of them are, but they weren’t always like this, they weren’t always so broken and reactionary, they were made that way by Christians.

Perhaps if we acknowledged the real truth, the many contributions made by Muslims to the sciences and arts, and the pursuit of pleasure with inventions like chess, poker, and alcohol (how many words do you know prefixed with ‘al’?) such inventions that changed the course for humanity and propelled Europeans to their ‘enlightenment’, Muslims might not be so angry or even perceived as such. Europeans weren’t beamed down to earth by God as naive fledgling angels innocent of all crimes and wrongdoing, hitting every branch of the enlightenment tree on the way down, no, they appropriated the hard work of Muslims and denied the historical truth, leaving those famed rivers of blood in their wake.

The transference of white supremacists must be called out for what it is, the fear of a comeuppance, of the chickens coming home to roost. They keep the conflict alive.

The Muslim Empires They Tried To Deny Ever Existed

I can’t remember exactly how old I was when I first started questioning my place in the world but I was very young, still in infant school, not yet a personality in my own right. I remember I still believed in Santa Claus and Christmas was an event that I was very much a part of, from the towering twinkling tree in the school assembly hall to the black bin sacks brimming with toys on Christmas morning. I accepted the nativity as fact, Mary and Joseph had plodded along with their heavy load and Jesus was born in a stable, and the festivities celebrating the day of his birth were meant for everyone. At this age I wasn’t too heavily indoctrinated in the faith ascribed to me by my family, they loved Christmas and celebrated it, coming together as a family but also extending kindness to our neighbours, sharing a box of quality street with the elderly white woman who lived next door, and cheerily welcoming everyone with the season’s greetings.


I wondered why we didn’t go to church. I was taken aback when I was corrected about the virgin Mary and how she was actually called Maryam and married to Yusuf. Isa hadn’t died for our sins but he would be returning. As I grew, in size, and as a person, I very quickly came to the conclusion that religion was a bit like Chinese whispers (or something less racist) and it seemed, to me at least, a way for people to claim they were better, more informed, superior even, compared to the people they didn’t like; for a bunch of other reasons usually, like the colour of their skin or the country they came from. I learned in RE that sometimes brown people were Christians, and sometimes white people were Muslims but I never came into contact with these outliers until I was much older. I was fascinated by history and learned about the Egyptians, albeit on a very basic level but it was enough to spark my interest in world history and how each empire shaped the world. I liked to read in my own time, checking books out at the library but I could never find anything remotely related to my ancestry. I was already in the process of hating myself, my folks, our clothes, and food and perhaps was desperate for something that would set us apart from the rest. We weren’t like all the others, I was adamant about this.


Children might not understand the reasons people are hostile but they certainly perceive it. I noted the aggression with which certain people responded to what seemed like perfectly reasonable and softly spoken requests, at the bank, or job centre, or store. White people who wouldn’t make eye contact and lacked manners. I noted the ways in which my folks ignored the harsh tones and doubled down in their apologism, always feeling slightly embarrassed for their intrusion – often achieving the results they were after, but at great cost to their sense of pride and well-being. They had accepted their lowly status, whatever the reasons for it were and I was acutely aware of how this would impact on my opportunities. I guess that’s when I started to dissociate, splitting my personality. I wasn’t about to bow and scrape for the bear minimum, I was going to assimilate.


I remember learning all about the Spanish inquisition at school but never was there ever a single mention of Muslims. A tremendous feat given they were the primary victims. Even Wikipedia says it was the rulers of Spain who asked the pope to drive out Jews who were pretending to be Christians, and that’s it. Jews were also being targeted but they lived in Al Andalus, Moorish Spain. No mention of the Islamic books and heritage they burnt, or how Islamic Spain had managed to create a peaceful state where Muslims and Jews lived peacefully alongside Christians until the rabid Catholicism of the day slaughtered entire villages, drowning and decapitating children in their beds, raping then stabbing Muslim women through the heart because any offspring would be spoiled. We learned all about the Romans, and Greeks, and the British empire yet nothing of the Moors, or the Mughals who ruled for many centuries and were such learned cultured peoples conducting themselves in genteel ignorance during the middle ages they had no way to anticipate the savage barbarism of cold and hungry Christians, raised by the rod and indiscriminately slaughtered by both state and neighbour alike (much like the East today).


Medieval Europe was a grim fucking stage for the origins of white power. By all accounts they reveled in torture. Ah yes, there was the Magna Carta (England) allegedly holding everything together, but I can bet more people know about it today than did back then. From the peasants to the clergy (who were all powerful) everyone was in it for themselves. If they hadn’t been so wretched they would never have won, in all fairness. To be devoid of humanity is the only true guarantor for success in the pursuit for world domination. You can’t love thy neighbour and feed the poor and be at all comfortable with coercive power and control. Yet this is what they did, the Christians. They lied and manipulated. They forcibly converted Muslims and Jews (the converts were referred to as Moriscos and Marranos, respectively) then killed them anyway. Nobody talks about this, or how Isis and the Taliban are a poor imitation of the conquistadors.


When you have no history you feel untethered, floating in the air with no clues as to where you’ll end up. I have a recurring dream in which I’m trying to get to places, one example being from that old primary school to my family home but I have to measure my stride and watch how I place my feet otherwise I bounce up into the sky, terrified at the velocity sometimes, which can throw me sideways, afraid I will come crashing back down and hurt myself or even die. My attempts at controlling my pace via lucid dreaming have yielded some results, some journeys have even been pleasant but I am not yet a master. I am convinced this is my brain trying to resolve deep rooted anxieties around identity and powerlessness over it. Sometimes I’ll panic because I’m wearing a skirt and no pants and if I don’t control the buoyancy effectively enough everyone on my street might get a flash of my lady parts. Other times I don’t care if they do. Once in a while my granddad is waiting on our porch and I’ll suddenly have to straighten myself out and stand very still, because he cannot know that I have this skill.


I felt as though we can’t have just transpired out of thin air, as a teen, and was determined to learn of my roots. I asked my grandparents, with whom I lived, who my great grandparents were and they gave the name of a great granddad on my granddad’s side and that was it. No great grandmas or great great grandparents. No lineage, no roots, no establishment. I wanted to know what we called the language we spoke at home because it didn’t sound like Punjabi to me. They replied Sikhs had a different dialect and that’s the difference I was hearing. Only, when I grew up, I met other Muslim Pakistanis who said they spoke Punjabi and they honestly did. I came to understand my ‘mother tongue’ is actually a lingua franca of sorts that enabled me to access at least 7 other South Asian languages, with its roots in Farsi. I had always managed to understand my South Asian friends whatever language they spoke at home but they rarely understood me. I had spent my life being told it was a cursed tongue, that it sounded dirty, and worthless, when it was actually a priceless tool. No wonder I found language so interesting, I had exceptional roots.

I registered the slight hesitance in my grandparents whenever I broached the subject of ancestry. They’d tense up. I thought they were embarrassed, especially when they snapped that it was enough. I reasoned it had to be a secret, whatever it was, otherwise they wouldn’t be so eager to change the subject. Perhaps we had been Hindus and this was a fact they had buried, because it was no longer of any use and they did not want to risk reversions.


It was many years later, long after both of theirs passing that I learnt the truth. Muslim history has been effectively erased in Europe. We don’t learn about it in schools, it is not spoken of much in pop culture, any allusions to it, like for example in The Spanish Princess, are post victory, when they are subjugated and at the behest of Catholic monarchs. Queen Isabella enacted a genocide on Spanish Muslims and her daughter Catherine of Aragon married Henry VIII. These moments in history that tie together the bigger picture, the union of these two countries for the sake of all Christiandom, Henry being a cornerstone of British history that is over taught in my opinion, from the many perspective of teams for and against the Tudor tyrant, and his many wives and their friends and foes; to so brazenly leave out the connection to how Europe was shaped by the sword and owes a debt to the world for its ignorant destruction of culture, is surely deliberate and intended to mislead. The Tudors weren’t just special because Henry was a literal ladykiller (what a thing to focus on though, how this country was spearheaded by a domestic abuser), the empire began with his devil spawn. Oh we all learnt about Walter Raleigh sending back spuds from the new world to flatter his queen but they left out the genocide of Native Americans on the curriculum. I guess it would lead to questions about other ethnic majorities on other continents, displaced and erased by the same people. I can see why, teaching a bunch of hormonally charged teenagers the reason they are here today is because you were there for 500+ years and you still haven’t left is asking for trouble. Kids tend to have a stronger sense of injustice than adults who’ve spent a lifetime lying to themselves about what is and isn’t virtuous.

A racist procession marking a time when the Moors ruled Spain (click image for more information) from the 8th century to the 15th yet Wikipedia refers to the Moors as ‘Muslim inhabitants’

Take sexual freedom as one example of the clash of civilisations in medieval Europe. Cold and hungry white Europeans hated sex. They believed it was a sin and a chore, even in marriage, where it was a method for procreation and not pleasure. Perversely a lot of their torture methods centred on the genitals, the pope even had a ‘pear’ for such purposes (google but nsfw). It is sexual freedom among other vices that was cited by Christians as a reason for their victory against the savage Mohammedans. Such lax attitudes concerning pleasures of the flesh had led to their fall from grace in God’s eyes and that is how they lost their empire. To this day, Muslims repeat this harmful life to justify their misogynous control over women and their attitudes towards sex in general. Sick of the way black and brown men/Muslims treat their women? But they learnt from the best. Muslims were making art about how sex was a gift from God before Christians turned that light out in them for good.

Published 15th Century

So what can we do about it now we know? For my part, I’d like to know more about who collected taxes and crops from my ancestors and our land, forcing them to bury grain so they wouldn’t starve. That chap’s descendants owe me and mine. As part of the decolonisation process, reparations are crucial to the healing process, to feeling grounded. Reparations come in lots of forms, acknowledging the histories they tried to erase is a good starting point. As a descendant of Mughals myself, I was only made aware very recently of my rich history. When there is denial and erasure even in families (because the ignominy of having it all and losing it, for not being pious enough, is too much to bear or acknowledge) it’s even harder to begin to unravel the chaos that ensured ten generations of trauma and toxic shame, the true legacy of the British Empire.

JUST EAT DIRT

On the 14th August I had a couple of medical appointments, one just before lunch and another straight after. I skipped breakfast so when I returned after the first appointment I ordered some food and a coffee via Just Eat. I won’t include the name of the establishment for the time being as they know where I live.

I had a notification telling me the food was on its way. It’s an 8 minute drive from the restaurant to my house but on this occasion the driver seemed to be taking his time. 15 minutes had passed and I was sat on the edge of my seat, I hate taking deliveries when I’m expecting them, I can think of nothing else. Eventually the buzzer rang and I answered.

“FOOD” a male voice blared at me. I was startled at his tone, they’re usually very polite, identifying themselves as delivery drivers and asking if I’d in fact ordered food. I felt uneasy not least because I find men threatening (and so do most women if they’re honest) and this guy had shown aggression before I’d even said hello. I buzzed him in even though I was hesitant to, and figured if he was genuinely scary I would be my most charming self and kill him with kindness, a thing I used to do all the time growing up around white people, when one could never be sure whether this white person was a friend or a foe.

He seemed a bit unsure of himself when he saw my face and handed over the food, like he’d expected someone else. I guess when he looked at my name on the receipt he imagined he’d find someone in a hijab, there’s no mistaking the roots of my historically very Islamic name. He was a little less brash when he responded to my soothing gratitude, and then he was gone.

I took a little sip of my coffee to check if I needed to reheat and sugar it and then got the sugar and proceeded to add it to my coffee, using a long tea spoon to stir it up from the bottom. It wasn’t particularly hot but then I like my hot drinks warm, and it wasn’t so milky that a skin would form, nor was it frothy, just a plain Americano with a dash of cold milk.

Imagine my confusion/disgust/anger when I found this on the spoon.

I was sickened and immediately called Just Eat who advised me to leave a review raising my concerns with the restaurant and they would investigate and respond to my complaint within 72 hours. After a week or so of waiting I decided to contact them again and spoke to them via their internet chat service. They apologised for not getting back to me and said they would have it resolved within 72 hours and asked for photographic evidence (which I had already sent).

They were more efficient this time, getting back to me within minutes and said they were doing their investigation and should fulfil their promise of a refund, as I was advised by them when I first complained. A short while later I received this.

So I replied:

So here we are. Just Eat didn’t respond to my last email and I’m sharing it with you. See, this is what we mean by white privilege, when we say even working class white folk have the edge over us, because they don’t have to worry someone is interfering with their food. Poc are attuned to the way the air changes when you’re in close proximity to a racist. How they need not say a word or even give you a glare, when most won’t even make eye contact in all fairness, to get the sense that this person hates you unreasonably just for the colour of your skin or way your name sounds.

I will never forget the time a racist Irish guy tweeted at me that he was a farmer in Ireland and despite food safety standards forbidding the use of pig manure on vegetables, he would do it just to spite Muslims. That’s what racists want you see, for us all to be afraid at all times, to never know where the threat is in the crowd. I’m not personally bothered by any kind of manure but the twisted joy this ape got from telling me felt threatening.

We have to live like this and there are still people who would rather chastise me for rising up against it than tell the aggressors and no hopes to back the fuck off. If you had to question every decision you make a bunch of times, if you had to safety plan, and be left out of pocket instead of ‘causing a fuss’, and not for the first time, doing the most basic of fucking things, nourishing your body, wouldn’t you be a little bit angry and ‘unhinged’? £11.50 isn’t a lot of money but it is when you’re on a low income and marginalised by your disabilities.

I won’t be using Just Eat again. I mean, let’s face it, this isn’t the first time they fucked up, this is just the most appalling. Like other big name capitalist hell hounds Just Eat put profit before people of colour.

The Dangerous Hypocrisy of White People

Whenever the news reports a surge in violent crimes committed by white people, I am compelled to share it with you, to compare and contrast with the vicious and morally bankrupt white supremacist narrative, when the truth often contradicts this.

The featured image is a comment taken from the Metro newspaper in relation to a guilty verdict in a case where the Asian victim had his ears hacked off in a machete attack and later died in hospital. The Asian ringleader was sentenced to 20 years in prison. Consider the leaps this racist made to come to this particular conclusion. Question the motive behind the Metro’s decision to allow a comment such as this, without moderation, despite its hateful and bigoted and wholly dishonest implication (as I am about to demonstrate).

(Who let this shit stain into Cambodia eh? ‘Bert’ must surely have serious concerns regarding the export of prolific child sex abusers imposing harmful British Values on foreign minors?)

Steve Loryman had been a Christian missionary, using the Christian God as a vehicle for his sick interest in children, as the Catholic Church and CofE have done for decades if not centuries.

White men are well known for their predilection for East Asian mail order brides. They also have a history of predation in the Philippines, seeking out the ‘lady boy’ culture for its “exaggerated femininity”. Gary Glitter is famously barred from the Philippines after he was found guilty of child sex abuse in Vietnam. He was kicked out of Cambodia. Interesting isn’t it, that Glitter targeted countries stereotyped for their submissiveness?

Daniel Kilbee was already serving a sentence for the rape of a toddler when he was sentenced to life for the gang rape of a teenager.

It’s not just abroad where we find evidence of the evil wrongdoings of white men, there is a decades long backlog on our own doorstep. In Kilbee’s case I’m left wondering what else he might have done and gotten away with. A baby rapist, a violent offender, one dreads to think of the crimes that led up to this extreme abuse. I don’t suppose ‘Bert’ has any suggestions on what to do about homegrown perpetrators? They were never let in, they learnt from the best, the establishment and all those other privileged sex abusers who seem to keep evading justice. To be so ignorant of the reality, or at least to give that impression, suggests something far more sinister, that this bellend has a vested interest in racist propaganda.

It’s not just sex abusers though is it? Consider the sort of shit stain that keeps a puppy farm and abuses the most innocent of creatures.

Where do you deport such a shit stain to?

Animal abuse is on the rise. There has been a concerted effort of late to paint gulls in a negative light for eg, it’s the media’s go to distraction, with tales of gulls beating up toddlers and killing Yorkshire terriers and taking off with chihuahuas, this protected species has begun the process of polarisation. Sure they’re a menace, and they shit everywhere, and snatch food right out of your hand but it’s our fault they’ve moved into cities, when we leave so much crap lying about, and erect sky scraping buildings, that look like cliffs to them. This is how propaganda works, the drip feeding of negativity, threatening, unpredictable, a threat to our way of life. You can’t deport those shit stain seagulls so I guess there’ll be a cull at some stage.

I suppose British Values, based on the information I am about to share, is the power to do what you like as a white person whilst simultaneously reminding Johnny Foreigner he can in no way do the same.

Where the fuck are you, ‘Bert’, when white people with considerable power are let off the hook off because they have feelings?

PTSD! Depression! Anxiety! All the thing we get labelled snowflakes for. But if you’re a white copper, you can DRINK AND DRIVE AND DO IT AGAIN NO DOUBT.
In what other profession could you demonstrate such lawlessness and coercive power and still be allowed to keep your funding and jobs?

Imagine there were 1000 doctors arrested in the past four years. That would be a crisis of sorts. 1000 nurses? 1000 teachers? Firemen? Paramedics? Any other profession there would be a public inquiry and perhaps a view to reform. Foreigners make up a minority of the police force so you can’t blame it on imported values, ‘Bert’.

Not when white men seem to be the exporters of sex abuse, targeting victims who’ve even less of a chance of justice.

They point fingers because it lets them off the hook. They said they were afraid of being labelled racist, and that’s why they did not do their jobs holding child rapists to account. Never met a copper who was so keen on race relations they forgot to uphold the law. Not when they’re in the papers every other week for one racist incident or another. Not when entire regions have a reputation for their white supremacist bullying of minorities.

Hampshire popo are by no means alone, my local plod are horribly racist, to which I can attest from my own run ins. I imagine ‘Bert’ is a cop lover who thinks bigotry against protected characteristics is a British Value.

When the cops say they didn’t do anything because they were afraid of being labelled racist, when we know they really don’t give a fuck, consider the fact they did nothing because they were all in it together. Child sex abusers have infiltrated every public service you can think of and had been managing the influx of reports to make it appear as though it’s a much smaller problem than it is. When that was no longer effective they ramped up the racist propaganda, so that shit stains like ‘Bert Fegg’, star Metro commenter have been emboldened to stick the boot in whenever a poc engages in criminal behaviour.

By all means, view things via your racist lens, ‘Bert’ but remember, your country is overrun by white predators, and your children are fair game to them. How long will your bigoted beliefs protect you?

Meanwhile.. OVER THE OTHER SIDE OF THE POND

America, all focused on those Mexican rapists when these monsters barely get a mention

How well do we know our husbands/boyfriends/partners?

The state of this horror show.

White people evade justice because they have the support of a racist state and media, and the structural power to claim up is down and even when it seems like we’ve finally got them, we haven’t really.

The opening of sealed files implicated dangerously powerful people in the upper echelons of the establishment on both sides of the Atlantic. Who killed Epstein, the royals or the Clintons? Will we ever know?