More slut shaming

“I wish I could assume all submissives out there were strong courageous self-thinking types. But sadly many are just weak people.”

Sigh. Ok. Y’all know me and my penchant for, er, dissent. Some people think of me as antagonistic, others are just a little frightened of the unknown. I’m on meds so that makes me an unpredictable fruitloop. What you see online is mostly me irl but there are parts of my personality that I protect, for the simple reason that it is exclusive to those I actually trust, and there aren’t many of them. It’s a privilege and something that must be earned.

My name is Sam Ambreen and I have a confession; I sometimes enjoy being submissive.

*world implodes and feminisms cease to exist*

As an eldest child it was my responsibility to keep the others in check. Naturally I was the first one to experience things and so I had a hand holding role and spent a lot of time encouraging the others, being brave and generally giving bullies an arse whupping if they fell out of line. I had to order the pizza (I still do), I had to fight back the bullies for my younger siblings (even if I was scared myself) and it’s not very different to who I am now. Here’s the thing though; I sometimes get very tired of this scripted role that was handed down to me. It’s exhausting always being in control or fighting for control and I am exceptionally privileged that I have friends and lovers around me who understand that you don’t have to be one or the other ALL OF THE TIME, that even the most formidable among us need a break.

I am not weak because sometimes I don’t have the brain space to make all the decisions. I am blessed that I can hand the baton over on occasion, safe in the knowledge that the person I am handing it over to will not use it to bash me over the head with. They recognise the immense privilege it is. In this respect, I am still in control. I don’t have to be submissive for the duration of whatever the activity is, I can switch. How does this make anyone weak? Is it not the opposite and in fact a very empowering thing to be in possession of, if you are lucky enough to experience it?

Statements such as the one above are meant to shame people, specifically self-identifying women. Well feminisms has been fighting so hard for us to behave like dominant men that we’re somehow letting the side down if we behave in a way that is considered ‘feminine’, for that makes us weak. It’s probably why, as queers we get a lot of stick from the dominant brand of white cis feminism; “porn is bad, nudity is bad, why aren’t they as focused on genitals as us, however else will we win the binary war?”

I can sum this up succinctly; it’s none of your fucking business and before you look outwards and judge other people on their intimate practices, ask yourself why it pisses you off so much. You do not gain power by pointing out what you think are weaknesses in others, you reveal more about yourself that you cannot access consensual submissiveness where you will not be taken advantage of. I am sorry for you.

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3 comments

  1. Considering I’m the woman who made the above quote, I feel I’m in a good position to chime in.
    I wrote it on twitter. You and I exchanged tweets about this. You clearly still do not get it.
    I never said submissive women are weak. I never equated submissiveness with weakness. I am, however, saying there are weak people in the world, and they are not excluded from the label of “submissive.”
    You think I’m sub shaming? I AM a sub. I am a member of my local kinky community. I’m a BDSM erotica writer. If you’d have actually read my tweets, you’d know that.
    I asked you, over and over, don’t you think it’s possible for people who are weak to identify as subs? Don’t you think there are weak people in the world? But you could never answer that question. You were all for claiming there were weak Doms, though. Guess you have a double standard going on.
    Let’s talk about real weakness: real weakness is calling a woman names, instead of arguing on the truthfulness of her statements. Real weakness is offering up a quote for your readers to offer you sympathy for your rant, without giving credit where the quote came from. Real weakness is being unable to admit when you clearly jumped to conclusions and misunderstood.
    And slut shaming? Am I to assume you’re equating all subs with sluts now? Wow, that’s a leap.
    I wonder if you’ll be strong enough to leave up this comment. I doubt it.

    Like

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