I get called an attention seeker a lot. I understand this is because I obsessively disclose personal information about myself but I do so because I feel I have to prove my ‘credentials’. I’ll write something about power and control or intersectionality, and I am instantly dismissed as a petulant student type who might not even be a disabled gender binary hating woman of colour. When I respond to these allegations, I am suddenly self-obsessed and it’s all about me and to be quite frank I’m getting sick of this oppressive circle.
Don’t you think I can read? Is it so difficult to believe that someone without a formal education can seek their own truths and have some understanding of the bullshit jargon dismissed as ‘too academic’ by those with an over inflated sense of self? How utterly patronising. It is because I have been oppressed and I have the will to fight that I am in the position I am in; I am not merely surviving anymore without a clue of who to turn to, I am too angry to let it slide. I have nothing to lose. If I am obsessed with anything, it is the blatant hypocrisy that I have to deal with every day. Most people are too tired, too consumed with the daily slog to fight and claw back some self-respect, to view themselves as equals with those further up the chain. Is it unnerving, the thought that there are people like me who survived on the bare minimum and were denied the sort of education most people take for granted yet are just about articulate enough to call you out on your bullshit?
If it is not because I am brown, is it because I am a woman? Am I not victim like enough for you to believe my story? I can get very shouty sometimes but this is a classic symptom of trauma. Or is it because I am stupid? If I am stupid, why do you keep assuming I’m a white middle class student? Can you see how I CAN’T WIN?
I realise this rant is entirely about me but heck, you’re all about as obsessed with me as I’m purported to be. Also, this is my blog where I can write about whatever I like and y’know, if it bothers you so much, don’t read it. That’s how it works right?